IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phones is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#countries #phones #development
Purchasing different things on the Internet by using mobile phones has become recently a matter of global concern.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 paying online is more convenient than shopping
offline
,
this
 approach has a number of drawbacks. The first advantage of paying for
goods
 remotely is that in
comprassion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with
offline
purchasing
Add a comma
,purchasing
show examples
 it takes much less time to do it.
For example
, when a person searches
nicely
Change preposition
for nicely
show examples
 looking
T-shirt
Fix the agreement mistake
T-shirts
show examples
 on the Internet, all of them are collected and located on the same
web-page
Correct your spelling
web page
show examples
,
while
 during
offline
 shopping it can take several hours to find all
goods
 you need
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they are situated in different shops. Another
advantege
Correct your spelling
advantage
 of
such
method
Correct article usage
a method
show examples
 is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 fewer resources are needed to do shopping.
For instance
, during
offline
 shopping people are always become hungry,
thus
 they spend occassionally lots of money on food, especially when they are with their families.
Hence
, paying online is beneficial from
this
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
.
However
 paying for things online is very convenient,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 can be less safe for
buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
show examples
 in terms of
scam
Fix the agreement mistake
scams
show examples
. It is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
often practice
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when people
purchasing
Wrong verb form
purchase
show examples
goods
 on fake
web-sites
Correct your spelling
websites
show examples
, which were made to fraud them. So, using
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
 for paying is not the
most safe
Change the adjective
safest
show examples
 action person can do, especially if he is not well-educated in digital
littracy
Correct your spelling
literacy
. One more
dissadvantage
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
 of
such
scheme
Correct article usage
a scheme
show examples
 is that customers can not check the quality of
item
Add an article
the item
an item
show examples
, which they have bought before paying. In
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 their expectations do not meet the reality,
hence
 they become upset.
Overall
,
although
 purchasing online is widely spread among people all over the world, and it is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
conveniet
Correct your spelling
convenient
 way to buy
goods
 and pay bills, it still has a number of drawbacks, which remains it not
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 safe buying approach.
Submitted by glebpopov5555 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Streamlining
  • Encryption
  • Biometrics
  • Digital economy
  • Digital divide
  • Economic inequalities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Surveillance
  • Misuse of information
  • Over-reliance
  • Cybersecurity breaches
  • Network outages
What to do next:
Look at other essays: