IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions to the quality of life of ordinary people. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #television #inventions #quality #life
Despite televisions provoking many advantages in
people
's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
, I believe there are other products that play more essential roles in upgrading the
quality
 of
life
 in the modern world,
such
 as
computers
, which derive greater impacts on human societies referring to means of communication and the acquisition of knowledge. To begin with, it is undeniable that
television
 enriches entertainment activities in
21st
Change the article
the 21st
show examples
 century,
people
 spent a great amount of time watching various shows or news on a daily basis. Compared to traditional newspapers, young individuals are more likely to gain information from
television
, on top of that, it allows more
people
 to participate in ongoing events since the content on
television
 is more understandable than in newspapers.
Moreover
, watching dramas on
television
 helps
people
 release stress after a long day of working and studying, allowing them to escape from reality.
However
, there are other inventions in the modern world that play essential roles to improve the
quality
 of
people
's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
,
such
 as
computers
. Unlike
television
, users have more freedom to select information based on personal preferences.
People
 are likely to conduct more and more tasks on
computers
while
 technologies continue to improve, including online shopping, meeting new friends, and completing assignments.
Nonetheless
, there are many content creators on the internet who provide various videos that fit different groups of audiences compared to most TV programs that serve the majority. To summarise, it is inevitable that televisions alter how
people
 spent their leisure time, and provide more joy to upgrade the
quality
 of
people
's
life
.
On the other hand
, there are other inventions that deserve
plaus
Correct your spelling
plus
plans
 for making contributions to human societies, including
computers
 which reshape the
life
 of
people
 through and through.
Therefore
, in my perspective, I do not
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
 the suggestion that televisions play more essential
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving the
quality
 of
life
 in societies.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: