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Band 6.5

the charts below show the internet use in different purposes in Australia in 2010,2011 and the percentage by users .

the charts below show the internet use in different purposes in Australia in 2010,2011 and the percentage by users .
#show #internet #purposes #australia #percentage #users
The charts illustrate how much
internet
 was entered by consumers
due to
 various aims in Australia between 2010 and 2011.
It is clear that
while
 Emailings were the key purpose of individuals, contributing more than 70%, compared to a rate of roughly 50% and 45%
overall
 for paying bills online and social media , respectively. It can be seen from the charts , individuals aged 18 to 25 accounted for 100% in social media .
However
 , compared to the number of people from 18 to 25
ages
 , just over 80% which taken up by citizens belonging to 26-40 years old.
Moreover
 , figures continued to diminish by 10% in the percentage of people who consumed
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 for social networking
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 from 40 to 60
ages
 .
While
 residents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 60-65 witnessed roughly 40% , with about 30%
Change preposition
of
show examples
citizens on 65
ages
 made up the lowest position in social media.
On the other hand
 , the number of people who entered
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 for paying bills online and Emailings in various
ages
 was the same.
According to
 the charts ,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80% and approximately 80% which made up
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 individuals over the age of 60 and 40-60
ages
 in both foundations.
Additionally
, Emailings and paying bills online share shared the same pattern , contributing 70% , 65% and above 60% to the percentage of consumers of
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 at 60-65 , 26-40 , and 18-25 years old , respectively.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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