IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show the internet use in different purposes in Australia in 2010,2011 and the percentage by users .

the charts below show the internet use in different purposes in Australia in 2010,2011 and the percentage by users .
#show #internet #purposes #australia #percentage #users
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The charts illustrate how much
internet
Use synonyms
 was entered by consumers
due to
Linking Words
 various aims in Australia between 2010 and 2011.
It is clear that
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 Emailings were the key purpose of individuals, contributing more than 70%, compared to a rate of roughly 50% and 45%
overall
Linking Words
 for paying bills online and social media , respectively. It can be seen from the charts , individuals aged 18 to 25 accounted for 100% in social media .
However
Linking Words
 , compared to the number of people from 18 to 25
ages
Use synonyms
 , just over 80% which taken up by citizens belonging to 26-40 years old.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , figures continued to diminish by 10% in the percentage of people who consumed
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 for social networking
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 from 40 to 60
ages
Use synonyms
 .
While
Linking Words
 residents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 60-65 witnessed roughly 40% , with about 30%
Change preposition
of
show examples
citizens on 65
ages
Use synonyms
 made up the lowest position in social media.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the number of people who entered
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 for paying bills online and Emailings in various
ages
Use synonyms
 was the same.
According to
Linking Words
 the charts ,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80% and approximately 80% which made up
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 individuals over the age of 60 and 40-60
ages
Use synonyms
 in both foundations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Emailings and paying bills online share shared the same pattern , contributing 70% , 65% and above 60% to the percentage of consumers of
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 at 60-65 , 26-40 , and 18-25 years old , respectively.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, ages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: