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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the bar chart below shows the ten countries for the production and consumption of electracity in 2014

the bar chart below shows the ten countries for the production and consumption of electracity in 2014
#bar #ten #countries #production #consumption #electracity
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The bar chart presents information about the amount of electricity produced and consumed by the world’s ten energy user countries in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, from the
figure
Add a comma
,figure
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it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 China and the US consumed and produced more electricity than other countries. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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, China was the world’s leading energy producer and consumer in 2014 with produced around 5000
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
 and
consumed
Wrong verb form
consuming
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 almost the same amount. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place was the US produced and consumed over 4000
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Russia, Japan and India produced and consumed almost the same amount just under 1000
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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seventh and eighth place
was
Change the verb form
were
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 France and Brazil both produced and consumed similar, with production
over
Change preposition
of over
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 550
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
 and consumption was approximately 450
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
. Interestingly, Germany consumed more electricity than its production.
Finally
Linking Words
, Korea Rep. produced and consumed energy a little under 500
billion
Use synonyms
kWh
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by iielts998 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words billion, kwh with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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