IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people argue that technological development such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #development #phones
There are those who claim that innovation
about
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in
show examples
 technology would generate
the
Correct article usage
a
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degrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
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of
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in
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 relationships in
the
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apply
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sheer life,
although
 the technical progress would produce the merchandise and hobbies which
people
 probably relish a lot. I
agree
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onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
this
 view because there is a fall
of
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in
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hours
Correct article usage
the hours
show examples
 that
people
 meet with
others
 without devices and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 in recent days.
Firstly
, a lot of
people
 would like to communicate with
others
by
Change preposition
via
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 social network services
such
 as
twitter
Correct your spelling
Twitter
show examples
 or
blog
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blogs
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 from their
home
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homes
show examples
.
In addition
, it presumably creates more
unsecure
Correct your spelling
insecure
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 than
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 in real life
such
 as
friends
 in school because it is stress-free to lose connection with virtual
friends
. To illustrate that, there are a lot of
people
 who do not have
friends
 in university, though they have one thousand
of
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apply
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friends
 virtually.
Thus
, technological growth inhibits
the
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apply
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communication with authentic
friends
. Another key point that I want to emphasize is the fact that most
people
 have adequate entertainment in the home because of technological evolution,
hence
people
 can enjoy their lives in their homes.
According to
 the research done in 2020, the highest proportion of hobbies by
people
 under 30 years old was watching Youtube and
second
Add an article
the second
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 most popular thing was reading Manga, and both rates are between 30-20%,
whereas
 the least percentage was talking with family. In conclusion, there is slightly less friendship and chatting with
others
 because
people
 can cut
friends
 made
in
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on
show examples
 Twitter or other SNS apps, and they can be stimulated
besides
 talking with
others
.
Therefore
, I agree with
this
 statement.
Submitted by shimamura0116 on

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