IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that technological development such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree.

There are those who claim that innovation
about
Change preposition
in
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 technology would generate
the
Correct article usage
a
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degrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
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of
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in
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 relationships in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sheer life,
although
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 the technical progress would produce the merchandise and hobbies which
people
Use synonyms
 probably relish a lot. I
agree
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onagree
toagree
withagree
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this
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 view because there is a fall
of
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in
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hours
Correct article usage
the hours
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 that
people
Use synonyms
 meet with
others
Use synonyms
 without devices and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 in recent days.
Firstly
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, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 would like to communicate with
others
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
via
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 social network services
such
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 as
twitter
Correct your spelling
Twitter
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 or
blog
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blogs
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 from their
home
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homes
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.
In addition
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, it presumably creates more
unsecure
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insecure
relationship
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relationships
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 than
relationship
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relationships
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 in real life
such
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 as
friends
Use synonyms
 in school because it is stress-free to lose connection with virtual
friends
Use synonyms
. To illustrate that, there are a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have
friends
Use synonyms
 in university, though they have one thousand
of
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apply
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friends
Use synonyms
 virtually.
Thus
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, technological growth inhibits
the
Correct article usage
apply
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communication with authentic
friends
Use synonyms
. Another key point that I want to emphasize is the fact that most
people
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 have adequate entertainment in the home because of technological evolution,
hence
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people
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 can enjoy their lives in their homes.
According to
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 the research done in 2020, the highest proportion of hobbies by
people
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 under 30 years old was watching Youtube and
second
Add an article
the second
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 most popular thing was reading Manga, and both rates are between 30-20%,
whereas
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 the least percentage was talking with family. In conclusion, there is slightly less friendship and chatting with
others
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 can cut
friends
Use synonyms
 made
in
Change preposition
on
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 Twitter or other SNS apps, and they can be stimulated
besides
Linking Words
 talking with
others
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, I agree with
this
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 statement.

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