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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information office made by telephone, letter/email, and in person from January 2001 to June 2001.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information office made by telephone, letter/email, and in person from January 2001 to June 2001.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #telephone #email #person #january #june
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The chart illustrates how many enquiries the Tourist Information office in a city received over a six-month
period
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of questions received by telephone and in-person increased
while
Linking Words
 that of by email decreased moderately during the given
period
Use synonyms
.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the beginning, the telephone was the best channel most people used to send an inquiry. It can be seen clearly that approximately 900 people use
this
Linking Words
 channel,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 the trend went down slightly to only 800 in
february
Change the capitalization
February
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then
Linking Words
 continued to rise substantially until the end of
june
Change the capitalization
June
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. On the other hand,
although
Linking Words
 in January the size of inquiries sent by a person directly to the office was the least among other channels with only less than 500,
then
Linking Words
 its trends climbed up significantly over the
period
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 and closed at around 1900 number of questions
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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. Contrary to in-person and by telephone, the size of messages that have been sent using
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
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 or email shows an opposite trend.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, there were more than 600 files submitted but the movement declined moderately until June with only less than 400 numbers per month.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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