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Band 4

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
There are two differing views on choosing an appropriate
career
. Some
people
 are of the opinion that earning a high
income
 is a much more paramount consideration than
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of satisfaction with their
job
. Some others attach more importance to being satisfied with one’s
career
.
However
, I disagree with the first group and
arguing
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
mere
Change the word
merely
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a high
salary
 cannot guarantee success at work. In the first place, statistics show that a majority of
people
 quit their
job
 not because their
salary
 is low but because they lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
job
 satisfaction.
This
 was true of me, despite the fact that I failed to have a high
income
 in my previous
job
, I was successful because I was passionate about my
job
, and that
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 to desirable results.
Moreover
, eminent executives in
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 world take the view that employees enjoying a positive outlook on their
career
 are more likely to achieve higher success irrespective of the one’s
salary
.
Furthermore
, the concerns that stressful and arduous jobs have failed to bring about
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of happiness are
well- justified
Correct your spelling
well-justified
show examples
, even if they may be
well- paid
Correct your spelling
well-paid
show examples
.
stressrelated
Correct your spelling
stress-related
stress related
 ill-health have
voiced
Add a missing verb
been voiced
show examples
 by employees in highly paid
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
, as well.
For instance
, in our society those working in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 sector
as
Add a missing verb
are as
show examples
 regarded more successful by
people
 than others, the overriding cause of
this
 attitude is their high
income
.
Nevertheless
, some of them leave behind their position so as to follow their dreams in
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
 careers, like art and literature. In conclusion, I am of the view that
although
 making
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
salary
 is a paramount driving force for employees and managers should make a point of considering it as a significant factor,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is
job
 satisfaction that
persuade
Change the verb form
persuades
show examples
 staff to maintain in
current
Add an article
the current
a current
show examples
job
. Only when
people
 crave
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
career
 will productivity improve.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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