IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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There are two differing views on choosing an appropriate
career
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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 are of the opinion that earning a high
income
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 is a much more paramount consideration than
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
sense
Add an article
a sense
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 of satisfaction with their
job
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. Some others attach more importance to being satisfied with one’s
career
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.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with the first group and
arguing
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that
mere
Change the word
merely
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a high
salary
Use synonyms
 cannot guarantee success at work. In the first place, statistics show that a majority of
people
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 quit their
job
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 not because their
salary
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 is low but because they lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction.
This
Linking Words
 was true of me, despite the fact that I failed to have a high
income
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 in my previous
job
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, I was successful because I was passionate about my
job
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, and that
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
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 to desirable results.
Moreover
Linking Words
, eminent executives in
business
Correct article usage
the business
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 world take the view that employees enjoying a positive outlook on their
career
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 are more likely to achieve higher success irrespective of the one’s
salary
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the concerns that stressful and arduous jobs have failed to bring about
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of happiness are
well- justified
Correct your spelling
well-justified
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, even if they may be
well- paid
Correct your spelling
well-paid
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.
stressrelated
Correct your spelling
stress-related
stress related
 ill-health have
voiced
Add a missing verb
been voiced
show examples
 by employees in highly paid
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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, as well.
For instance
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, in our society those working in
medical
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the medical
show examples
 sector
as
Add a missing verb
are as
show examples
 regarded more successful by
people
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 than others, the overriding cause of
this
Linking Words
 attitude is their high
income
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some of them leave behind their position so as to follow their dreams in
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 careers, like art and literature. In conclusion, I am of the view that
although
Linking Words
 making
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 is a paramount driving force for employees and managers should make a point of considering it as a significant factor,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is
job
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 satisfaction that
persuade
Change the verb form
persuades
show examples
 staff to maintain in
current
Add an article
the current
a current
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. Only when
people
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 crave
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
career
Use synonyms
 will productivity improve.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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