IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #cities #exercise
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It is true that physical activities play a crucial role in our healthy lifestyle.
However
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, residents living in modern cities spend a huge amount of
time
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 on their work and studies substitute version of physical
exercise
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
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 condition and
also
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 will state some possible remedies.
To begin
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 with, nowadays the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who do not pay attention to their health is increasing. One of the most significant reasons for
this
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 situation is that nowadays
people
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 work non-stop and without any breaks. Working in
this
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 way is causing
people
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 to have no
time
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 to
exercise
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 and creates some issues which depend on
people
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's health.
In addition
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, another cause of
this
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 condition is the improvements in new technologies
such
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 as mobile phones, robots and
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also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
automatic implements.
That is
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 these gadgets have caused individuals to almost stop physical movement.
And
Correct word choice
Also
show examples
also
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 young children prefer different video games rather than
play
Verb problem
apply
show examples
physical games. Up-to-the-minute technology is probably the main reason why
people
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 do not have sufficient
time
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 to
exercise
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 these days.
On the other hand
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, there are several remedies to tackle
this
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 situation.
First,
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the government should reduce the working hours
people
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 work, so that
people
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 have adequate
time
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 for physical
exercise
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.
Secondly
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, individuals distribute properly their
time
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. Since they
expand
Wrong verb form
expanded
show examples
 a huge amount of
time
Use synonyms
 for the Internet, namely online games and entertainment. And
also
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 works that involve physical activity should be done by themselves rather than by robot. It is really crucial and practical for
people
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.
To sum up
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, because of many residents in modern areas living in busy cities, they have no
time
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 for physical
exercise
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. Decreasing working hours and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on technology can tackle
this
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 issue.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are well-developed. Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summary of the key points in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the essay progresses logically and coherently. Use transitions and linking words to connect ideas throughout the essay.
Supporting Ideas with Examples
Provide specific and relevant examples to support your ideas. Develop each main point with detailed examples and explanations.
Task Response
Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt. Develop a clear understanding of the causes and solutions and provide a comprehensive response to the question.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • desk-bound jobs
  • fast-paced urban life
  • conveniences
  • physical exertion
  • barrier
  • densely populated
  • pollution
  • safety concerns
  • urban planning
  • pedestrian areas
  • cycle lanes
  • accessible
  • workplace wellness programs
  • subsidize
  • financial barriers
  • public awareness
  • incorporate
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