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Band 4

In many part of the world , families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or more disadvantages to be part of large family in the past?

#part #world #families #people #children
Family
Change the article
A family
show examples
 is an essential place where
children
 can live , grow and continue their growth. In the
past
Add a comma
,past
show examples
 it was a common view that a family had about ten or twelve
children
. I think there must be some benefits to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 as large
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 family in the past. In many countries , living
together with
 more than five or ten
children
 was a popular status in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society for most
parents
 in the past.Some
parents
 thought that the more
children
 they had the more fortunes and happiness would come.
However
 , sharing things with
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 family sometimes had not brought
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pleasure
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a child.There will be a crisis in maintaining
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
 needs and
also
 overcrowding does affect globally. The
parents
 have to earn more money to feed a big group. and
also
 to have a good lifestyle.
Therefore
,
children
 who stayed with
this
 family were reared to enjoy their quality of life.
On the other hand
 , in today's world
children
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
imagination
Add an article
the imagination
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 to have a big family.
Children
 think that when they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
get a marriage and become a parent for two or three
children
 , so they can go to work and increase life quality.
For example
 ,
parents
 can buy their
children
 some modern gadgets or technologies and pay for higher education.
However
 , living in
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 family is a novelty , I have seen some small families often get lonely especially when get
celebration
Correct article usage
a celebration
show examples
 day. In conclusion , the best way to live
together with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
whole family members and pleasure time is when all family members can share openly with each other.
Furthermore
 , in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world , the best education is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
life
Change noun form
life's
show examples
 needs.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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