IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that strong tradition helps to civilise a nation and that governments should therefore subsidise musicians, theatre companies, actors and artists. Explain whether you agree or disagree with this statement and what you think governments should do to promote the traditional cultural heritage of a country

A greater number of
people
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 tend to agree that traditions play an important role towards the development of the nation and suggest that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should involve various
entertainers
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 for a greater impact. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 notion
and
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, and
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 I believe
entertainers
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 could play a major part in enlightening
people
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. Without a doubt, common
people
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 admire
entertainers
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 and usually tend to follow their lifestyle. If famous
people
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 are religious, individuals would probably follow them and
also
Linking Words
 get engaged in spiritual activities.
For instance
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, one of the famous cricketers recently visited a few religious places and shared his experience on the internet
which
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, which
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 inspired many
people
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. Because of
this
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, there was awareness among youth about the significance of praying and provoked them
in
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to indulge in
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indulging
Verb problem
apply
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spiritual practices. The government could promote the nation's traditions by involving famous artists and
organizing
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organising
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 various cultural
events
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. To elaborate, every year
there
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, there
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 are specific rituals performed in specific parts of the country. Federal authorities could specifically pay attention to
such
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events
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 and provide necessary commodities
such
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 as food, travel expenses and accommodations.
Due to
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this
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, the majority of
people
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 might think of attending
events
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which
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, which
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 would eventually result in spreading awareness.
In addition
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 to
this
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, government officials could request well-renowned
people
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 to be a part of it
as
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, as
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people
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 might attend with the urge of meeting them.
This
Linking Words
 could result in encouraging youngsters and promoting the nation's traditions. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the entertainment industry could help in bringing awareness about religious beliefs.
As a result
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, I believe official authorities should organise religious
events
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 for common
people
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 with the help of famous
entertainers
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.

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structure
Plan the essay before you write. Say your view at the start, then give 2 or 3 main ideas and link them, and end with a line that restates your view.
coherence
Use short, clear sentences. Do not make one long line. Check that your ideas follow one from another in a simple way.
content
Add more real life ideas and show how they work to prove your point.
coherence
Use simple link words such as also, and, but, for, to connect ideas.
task response
Stay on task. Say what the government should do and why it helps the people.
clarity
The writer states a clear view early in the piece.
structure
There is a clear start, then middle, then end.
content
Examples are used to back up points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • subsidise
  • cultural heritage
  • national identity
  • traditional art forms
  • intangible heritage
  • fostering creativity
  • social cohesion
  • harmonious societal development
  • economic resources
  • artistic expression
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