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Band 3

The two different pie charts demonstrate employment rates of Great Britain in the year of 1992 .

#two #employment #rates #britain #year
The two different pie charts demonstrate
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 rates of Great Britain in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1992 . It is clear from the diagrams that both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 had low
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 general
labourment
Correct your spelling
labouring
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 were above
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 craft or similar manual
jobs
.
On the
contrary
Add a comma
,contrary
show examples
 women were employed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 clerical or related
jobs
 more than men.
For example
,nearly
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 got hired on clerical non-manual
jobs
while
 a tiny minority(6%) of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 worked the same job.
However
,both sex`s
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
 for other manual duties
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 almost identical
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 women remaining
twenty seven
Add a hyphen
twenty-seven
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and men
twenty six
Add a hyphen
twenty-six
show examples
.
While
rouhly
Correct your spelling
roughly
 a quarter of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 were employees of crafts or similar activities ,3% of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 worked at craft or other. The main feature
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these pie charts is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
one
 and the other gender
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 low index of general
labourment
Correct your spelling
labouring
 by illustrating
one
 and two percentages.Other
conspicious
Correct your spelling
conspicuous
 information from the diagrams ,nearly
one
 quarter(27%) of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were employed on other manual
jobholdings
Correct your spelling
job holdings
 and
similarly
twenty seven
Add a hyphen
twenty-seven
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of men were on other manual
jobs
.The pattern for non-manual between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 is
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 close.
Correct article usage
The estimate
show examples
Estimate
Replace the word
Estimated
show examples
 proportion for women is just under
one
 in ten
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
 men`s
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
 represented 6%.Managerial and professional
jobs
 were worked by less than a third (27%) of females
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 more than a third of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 dutied
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these same non-manual
jobs
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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