IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss the idea.

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Nowadays , the planet become a global village. Globalization is directly related to the world's economies . In
this
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 situation , it affects in both ways , positive and
also
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 negative. I will discuss the pros and cons of globalization and
also
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 give an opinion in the ensuing paragraphs . On the one hand , technology plays a vital role in the development of countries. These days, it is easy to export and import raw materials and food because of the transportation system and the use of technology.
For example
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, India is the second largest producer of wheat and rice. The northern part of the world is the coldest region . In the region, it might not be possible to grow wheat. So , India
export
Correct subject-verb agreement
exports
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of
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apply
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86% of the total production of wheat exported in countries.
As a result
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 ,
the
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of the
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 survey of government departments, 20% of the economic rise in decades.
Moreover
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 , local companies collaborate with national or international companies,
therefore
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 , job opportunities have increased significantly.
On the other hand
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 , there are
also
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 some drawbacks of globalization . Some developing countries or cities can not reach to national or international level because lack of knowledge and a lower rate of education .
In addition
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 , all brand sales globally .
Hence
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, domestic market sales become declined significantly.
For instance
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, Ferrero Rocher is a world-famous chocolate which is an Italian company,
it
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that
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 is exported worldwide.
Consequently
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, other companies
such
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 as Cadbury and Nestle become less profitable. In conclusion, there are both positive and negative sides to
this
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 system. In my point of ,view there are more advantages rather than disadvantages of development.

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coherence and cohesion
Clarify your ideas more clearly in each paragraph. Some points lack explanation and could be elaborated further.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your points and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced the topic and stated your intention to discuss both sides of globalization.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like India’s wheat production gives a concrete reference to your arguments, which is a positive aspect of your essay.
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