IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations while others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #celebrations #waste
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Much
money
Use synonyms
 is used for family occasions because it
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
major opinion by lots of people and some believe it
extravagant
Add a missing verb
is extravagant
show examples
 spending.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the extent of
debt
Use synonyms
 some indulge in,
also
Linking Words
 causing depression and jealousy. Most family
Use synonyms
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
 organized in
this
Linking Words
 part of the world are very competitive, so many indulge themselves in
debt
Use synonyms
 by taking load in other not to be left behind in the family and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
occasion
Use synonyms
 they start thinking of how to pay
Use synonyms
debt
Add an article
the debt
show examples
.
Example
Add an article
An example
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 is a societal Wedding ceremony of a friend I attended
last
Linking Words
 month, it was a
serve yourself
Add a hyphen
serve-yourself
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 gathering where you can eat any food you want because varieties were made available in surplus. After the wedding
ceremony
Add a comma
,ceremony
show examples
 everyone departed to their various destinations. Just
last
Linking Words
 week I called my friend to ask
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 her well-being, she picked
my
Change preposition
up my
show examples
 call and started crying so I begin wondering what could be the issue that
it's
Wrong verb form
it was
show examples
 too early, only for her to say
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
 was a Bank loan that was taken to
used
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
 for their wedding ceremony.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Most people who couldn't meet up with the competition stuff become depressed and jealous thereby creating unnecessary enemies within the family.
Elder
Correct article usage
The elder
show examples
brother
Use synonyms
wondering
Wrong verb form
wonders
show examples
 why the kid
brother
Use synonyms
 can't help them when they were in need of
money
Use synonyms
 if he has the kind of
money
Use synonyms
 he spent in the family
occasion
Use synonyms
 they just finished.
Example
Add an article
An example
show examples
 is a film I watched where the kid
brother
Use synonyms
 spend extravagantly
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
uncle
Change noun form
uncle's
show examples
 coronation and the elder
brother
Use synonyms
 was angry that when he was in the hospital the kid
brother
Use synonyms
 didn't send him
money
Use synonyms
 and now see the way he spent so much. In conclusion, the opinion of
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of people on spending
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 family
Use synonyms
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
 as
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 thing is not an idea I key into because it makes some indulge in
debt
Use synonyms
 and causes depression and jealousy in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cherish
  • nurture
  • strengthen
  • bond
  • create memories
  • enjoyment
  • sense of belonging
  • reconnect
  • unite
  • traditions
  • create traditions
  • financial burden
  • priorities
  • moderation
  • budget
  • frugal
  • extravagant
What to do next:
Look at other essays: