IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Being a celebrity such as famous film star are sport personality bring problems as well as benefits.

#celebrity #film #star #sport #personality
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Famous
people
Use synonyms
 like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
movie stars and sports athletes have a luxurious benefit
however
Linking Words
, there can
also
Linking Words
 be determined. It seems to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
me that pros or more than its cons. I will articulate my pinpoints in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
Correct your spelling
upcoming
show examples
up coming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
show examples
 paragraph To inaugurate that, less privacy is enjoyed by well-known
people
Use synonyms
 all the time they target and
covered
Add a missing verb
are covered
show examples
 with paparazzi and fans. Even though they are single events and behaviour are closely watched by society
as a result
Linking Words
 they are under pressure to maintain their lifestyle another drawback is that Superstar lead a hectic resistance which makes it difficult to maintain a balance
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 they experience mental breakdown, drug abuse and personal relationship. Take the example of Sushant Singh Rajput and Divya Bharti's suicide and their resistance. On the flip side, there are numerous merits of living a dignified life.
Firstly
Linking Words
, celebrities get stranded, attention and organisation from the public many of the population follow popular
people
Use synonyms
 as the role model. They do not even get respect in the countries but are proud International
Secondly
Linking Words
 day and all out of money by working with hi brands
such
Linking Words
 as ACC Cement, and Lakme. Akshay Kumar is
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 master of Acc Cement.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, they are recognised at an international level when they play the Olympic games or other events like cricket series. It can bring repetition for both
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the country and himself
such
Linking Words
 as Sachin Tendulkar is renowned in the field of cricket.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is a gift with a few
people
Use synonyms
 getting out of millions with the little conventions
according to
Linking Words
 me it has more pros and the trouble.
Submitted by aqsagoraya9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: