IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Although many countries are becoming richer, these societies still have members who are poor and struggle each day to survive. why do you think this happens and what can wealthy societies do to help their poorer citizens ?

In spite of ,
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
show examples
 majority of provinces
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
becoming wealthy, these regions still have part of the
societies
Use synonyms
 that are striving to survive and have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
 to cater for themselves.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons and the possible solutions to help the poor masses to
florish
Correct your spelling
flourish
. To commence, the predominant cause of these incidents
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 illiteracy and corruption of the political leaders .lack of education can deprive one
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 getting
a suitable jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a suitable job
suitable jobs
show examples
 that can bring
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 to the public which are needed to take
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 one needs.
For example
Linking Words
,a survey had shown the link between
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of access to
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of jobs among people which can cause poverty.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the illegal practices of presidents and Governments that accumulate
money
Use synonyms
 for themselves without equitable distribution of
resources
Use synonyms
 can make citizens poor and not have enough
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to take care of themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
,Nigeria
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 history of leaders that build
other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
show examples
 of the world without enriching their followers leading
this
Linking Words
 county to famine
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the
profer
Correct your spelling
proper
show examples
interventions
Fix the agreement mistake
intervention
show examples
 to curb
proverty
Correct your spelling
poverty
 among the
propulation
Correct your spelling
population
 is to implement free educational systems that encourage young ones to go
school
Change preposition
to school
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will facilitate
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation to have more
money
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 other
resources
Use synonyms
 needed to
be have
Change the verb form
be had
show examples
 in abundance to care for their parents and siblings.
Moreover
Linking Words
, leaders should share
resources
Use synonyms
 equally among these
societies
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 implement allowances for poor individuals in the economy .A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is Dubai
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 provides
basics
Change the noun form
basic
show examples
 amenities for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies
Use synonyms
 with the
money
Use synonyms
 derived from tourists that explored their county making their citizens rich.
Finally
Linking Words
,
societies
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have rich people will prosper and everyone will be happy in the long run. In conclusion,despite the fact that countries have
abundance
Replace the word
abundant
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
 ,some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the
societies
Use synonyms
 find it difficult to take care of themselves which can be
due to
Linking Words
unavailability
Correct article usage
the unavailability
show examples
 of education and corrupt politicians and it can be mitigated by
building
Add an article
the building
show examples
 of schools and fair distribution of capital and jobs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: