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Writing Samples
Band 5

Bar graph shows the number of men and women college graduates

Bar graph shows the number of men and women college graduates
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This
Linking Words
 bar graph shows the
number
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 of both
women
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 and
men
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college
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graduates
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 from 1995 to 2015. Generally, the
number
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 of
men
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college
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graduates
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 much higher than
women
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 through the years. In 1995, around 37000
women
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 graduated from
college
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, which is less than 6000
graduates
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 of
men
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. But in 2005, the total
number
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 of male
graduates
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 increased much more than in 1995. The
number
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 of male
graduates
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 multiplied by 17000 that year to 60000.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
graduates
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 extended by 3000, reached to 40000. In 2015, the total
number
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 of
graduates
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 increased even more, with male
graduates
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 boosted dramatically than in previous years
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
77000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of female
graduates
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also
Linking Words
 increased to 50000, but the
number
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 is still much lower than the
number
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 of male
graduates
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 shown in that graph . In summary, the total
number
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 of
college
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graduates
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 continuously increased
through
Change preposition
over
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 the two decades, from 1995 to 2015.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
women
Use synonyms
graduates
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lower
Add a missing verb
are lower
show examples
 than
men
Use synonyms
college
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 indicated
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 bar graph display.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, women, men, college, graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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