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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Multicultural societies, where people of different ethnic groups live together can bring more benefits than drawbacks to a society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #people #groups #society
our society is gathered to
multi cultured
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multi-cultured
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people
.but all cultural
people
 are
live
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living
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 together or not . If they live together what
is
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are
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 the benefits and drawbacks
.
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?
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 Let's
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
elaborately
Correct pronoun usage
this elaborately
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 in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
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 paragraph. In most of
Add an article
the country
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country
Add a comma
,country
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people
 are
lived
Change the form of the verb
living
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 with combined
culture
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cultures
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.
For Example
the
Correct article usage
a
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 country like
india
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India
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, there are different states and different
culture
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cultures
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. But there is no difference between
except
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them except
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 god . So
people
 are more
inter related
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interrelated
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 with
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
 to sharing their
culture
. Everyone
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
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there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 own space to different cultured
people
 In that way there is no problem happening
inbetween
Correct your spelling
in between
in-between
 the
culture
 . There is
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
 to understand other
culture
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cultures
show examples
 and their traditional events and more . Peoples have more helping capability to each.
In
Change preposition
On
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand , few peoples are not willing for multicultural. So they started to do unwanted dramas to make
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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worsen
situation
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the situation
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.
Instance
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The instance
An instance
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 that it will cause to separate them naturally and
then
 started to
thinking
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think
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 something to make unwanted. The main drawback cause is terrible
attack
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attacks
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inbetween
Correct your spelling
between
in between
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and certain
damages
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damage
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for
Change preposition
to
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peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 mentally and physically.
At
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In
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 the end , some
people
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 like living
separte
Correct your spelling
separately
 is more
benefit
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beneficial
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. In my opinion, living with grouped
people
 is more
advantage
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 because
people
 will grow with
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
. So it helps to develop
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 as well.
Submitted by murugadassbe92 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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