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Band 3

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages for this development?

#people #travel #place #work #computers #internet #smartphones #home #development
Technology has improved significantly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people’s
life
Replace the word
lives
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 and the way they
work
 recently. Up to now, people would travel to their place of
work
.
Although
, nowadays with Smartphones and
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 working has become
more and more easy
Replace the words
easier and easier
easier
show examples
. My own view is these technologies have more benefits than drawbacks. I will discuss both the positive and negative aspects of distance
work
. On the one hand, distance
work
allow
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allows
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 workers
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 more personal space and liberty. Since
,
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 employees do not have any obligation, they do not have to transform a lot.
Also
, by using these electronic components workers can be available for 24 hours.
Moreover
, the capability of managing their own day will give people a chance to plan
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 personal life outside of business.
On the other hand
,
these digital equipment
Change the determiner
this digital equipment
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 can limit actual communication between co-workers.
Due to
 online interactions, colleagues do not need actual communication.
As a result
,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of communication can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 mental health.
For
this
 reason, some companies introduce mental health care services.
To conclude
,
although
,
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apply
show examples
 distance
work
 has drawbacks, I believe working from home has many positive aspects
such
 as saving time and liberty.
Submitted by javadsaady1992 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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