The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

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The pie charts illustrate the conclusion of a survey of boys’ and

girls

’ cultural recreational

activities

Overall

, boys had the tendency of spending their major leisure time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

doing outdoor

activities

and

girls

would rather dance for fun. Playing computer games accounted for the largest proportion of boys’ relaxed

activities

which stood at over a third of the total and it was over twice as much as that of

girls

’. The percentage of boys listening to music was the same as

girls

’ representing 10%.

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

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there were 2% of boys

reading

Wrong verb form

read

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books

while

more than a fifth of

girls

preferred doing

this

activity.

In addition

, basketball came as the second most popular boys’

activities

Fix the agreement mistake

activity

show examples

for recreation which took up 26%.

On the other hand

skateboarding and soccer were very small percentages making up 28% combined. Dancing was the most popular recreational

pursuits

Fix the agreement mistake

pursuit

show examples

among

girls

, it had the highest proportion at 27%.

Girls

also

fancied in Netball and

Gymnastic

Fix the agreement mistake

Gymnastics

show examples

which took up 15% for the former and 11% for the latter.

Submitted by joyce.ta213 on Mon May 08 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

170 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

survey
cultural activities
leisure activities
participate
percentage
gender difference
similar participation rates
traditional gender roles
trends
impact
parental influence
extracurricular activities
accessible

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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Some people think that parents should tell stories or read to their children. However, others believe that these days this isn’t necessary as children have so many other sources for stories, such as books, films and TV. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

nowadays many people choose to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organization. why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantage of being self employed?

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.