The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

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The pie charts illustrate the conclusion of a survey of boys’ and

girls

Use synonyms

’ cultural recreational

activities

Use synonyms

Overall

Linking Words

, boys had the tendency of spending their major leisure time

Change preposition

apply

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doing outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

and

girls

Use synonyms

would rather dance for fun. Playing computer games accounted for the largest proportion of boys’ relaxed

activities

Use synonyms

which stood at over a third of the total and it was over twice as much as that of

girls

Use synonyms

’. The percentage of boys listening to music was the same as

girls

Use synonyms

’ representing 10%.

Linking Words

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

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there were 2% of boys

reading

Wrong verb form

read

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books

while

Linking Words

more than a fifth of

girls

Use synonyms

preferred doing

this

Linking Words

activity.

In addition

Linking Words

, basketball came as the second most popular boys’

Use synonyms

activities

Fix the agreement mistake

activity

show examples

for recreation which took up 26%.

On the other hand

Linking Words

skateboarding and soccer were very small percentages making up 28% combined. Dancing was the most popular recreational

pursuits

Fix the agreement mistake

pursuit

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among

girls

Use synonyms

, it had the highest proportion at 27%.

Girls

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

fancied in Netball and

Gymnastic

Fix the agreement mistake

Gymnastics

show examples

which took up 15% for the former and 11% for the latter.

Submitted by joyce.ta213 on Mon May 08 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, girls with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

170 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

survey
cultural activities
leisure activities
participate
percentage
gender difference
similar participation rates
traditional gender roles
trends
impact
parental influence
extracurricular activities
accessible

What to do next:

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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or dis agree with this.

The way that people work today has changed significantly due to the development of technology. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of these changes.

Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatmens instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.