IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people today are b drinking sugar based drinks. What are causes? And solution.

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In
this
Linking Words
 day and out, Coca-Cola's other beverages are increased drastically in population. They show off their social status and are motivated by the role model
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
. which would detroits their health. The possible reason for
this
Linking Words
 new trend
as well as
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 some feasible solutions will discuss in detail To commence with, one significant factor in consuming soft -
drinks
Use synonyms
 is that individuals express their financial status to their friends and society. To dive into roots, in
this
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 contemporary era, carbonate companies introduce their best products to
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fame in the market.
For instance
Linking Words
, Red Bull is on top
trending
Replace the word
trend
show examples
 globally and not ubiquity in every place of the world. And who can buy and consume he shows off their relatives about his intake.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
social
Change the word
socially
show examples
 impressed by celebrities and follow their act and
brand
Correct article usage
the brand
show examples
 they promote without knowing the harmful effects on their bodies.
For instance
Linking Words
, Salman Khan and Babar Azan
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work with Pepsi brands and their fans follow them fans consume Pepsi in their normal lives. Having a lot of
carbonates
Correct your spelling
carbonated
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
 leads to obesity and heart disease
as well as
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 diabetes. On the flip side, there are numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
solutions by which we can control on taking flavouring
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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 and foremost solution is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 self-control when a person is aware of the harmful impact on his health
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 taking
drinks
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 he could avoid taking
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of it he prefers to take fresh juices in summer
that is
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 related to his culture and not much expensive.
For instance
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, lemonade
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 keeps hydrated
as well as
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 vitamin C
that is
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 beneficial for the body and keeps the skin healthy. Government should increase the prices of
drinks
Use synonyms
toaccording
Correct your spelling
according
to according
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 sugar used in the product.
Then
Linking Words
 companies use less sugar in
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
Add a missing verb
do
show examples
not have much effect on society and increase their prices in the market. No easily afford them and
consume
Correct pronoun usage
themconsume
show examples
.
Thus
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, coordination between the public and society can gradually control the problem of soft
drinks
Use synonyms
. If fresh juices still are frequently on roads and available easily. In a nutshell, soft
drinks
Use synonyms
 have been creating many internal issues in the human body
such
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 as obesity and diabetes and they can be
controlledcontrol
Correct your spelling
controlled control
 if the public consumes many cultural
drinks
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as lemonade and jam e sheri.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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