IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #leisure #time #colleagues #life #work
In
this
 contemporary era, every person wants a person in his activity who are with him to spend sphere moment
such
 as in offices and parks opponents believe that personal growth would be kept separate from professional existence . My firm conviction is that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 should be extroverts but not share their personal information about families and relatives with colleagues it leads to blackmailing To commence with, most individuals want a partner in their professional and personal space with whom they share problems in their sphere occasion.
For instance
, students in their school lives have a friend with whom they used to spend stage during break
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 and after school. They use to spend quality
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
 with him. To dive into roots, pupils become introvert makes some special contact and play outdoor activities and become physically strong.
Furthermore
, in offices public
discuss
Correct subject-verb agreement
discusses
show examples
 their private
life
 with society
then
 they get a piece of advice that helps them to solve their problems and
due to
this
 he
also
 makes some new family friends. On the flip side, there are those who want to keep both lives separate because of some reason. The first and foremost reason is that, in
this
 day and out, technology prevails everywhere so many people spend a huge amount of time on their mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 they don't want a partner who knows everything in
life
. They
want
Add the particle
towant
show examples
 keep distinct and enjoy their lives without the fear of blackmailing when they have any arguments with their colleagues.
For instance
, in , a fight most
society
Change to a plural noun
societies
show examples
 disclose all the details of their family in front of others so it is a huge fear. In my opinion, people should make many friends to spend
life
 smoothly but not permission to everyone to engage in your
life
 and let them know each aspect of your
life
. Just keep it secrete In a nutshell, it's in human nature to want to discuss their problems with a special one in his
life
 but not in professional work keep both alignment and don't
Share
Fix capitalization
share
show examples
 the whole detail with
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 person
Submitted by aqsagoraya9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: