8.) The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree with this idea?

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Currently, individuals lack driving responsibility despite many governments trying to solve the issues,
therefore
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,
someone
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some
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criticizes
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criticize
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that punishments should be stricter. I partially agree with
this
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statement. At ,first glance, if the existence of stricter punishment does appear, more responsibility,
as well as
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attention,
as well as
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attention will be shown to the driving law.
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Whereas
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apply
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, Some of the individuals lack responsibility which is the primary requirement,
therefore
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, they repeat the error several times.
For instance
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, numerous cases of accidents in Thailand revealed that a number of drivers aren't aware of the punishment because they end up paying the fee.
Moreover
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, bribing the officers
have
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has
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been the solution for the alleged offender to avoid staying in jail.
On the other hand
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, I believe that there are alternative ways to improve the safety of our roads.
Firstly
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, the priority thing that the driver must realize is the safety of people on the road and the law,
thus
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, every transportation office should have stricter training for people who attend a driving license exam.
Secondly
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, the government should destroy the bribing system so the
victim
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victims
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can receive the justice they should receive.
Finally
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, nowadays the telephone is another society factor four,
thus
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, the driver mustn't use the telephone
while
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driving so
this
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can be another solution to
this
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issue. In conclusion, I partially agree with
this
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statement but stricter punishments aren't the solution to
this
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problem. Alternative ways to improve the safety of our roads exist,
therefore
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, the government must step by step to solve
this
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problem.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your position on the statement. Consider restructuring it to state your agreement or disagreement more decisively. Additionally, try to rephrase the question in your introduction to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your main points are organized logically and that there's a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Consider using more cohesive devices to link your ideas together and improve the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Expand your examples to support your arguments. The example of Thailand lacks depth; consider adding more details or a statistic to strengthen your point about awareness of punishment. This will help demonstrate your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay presents multiple viewpoints, which demonstrates critical thinking about the issue of road safety.
task achievement
You raised valid alternative solutions that show an understanding of the complexity of the problem, which is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • driving offenses
  • road safety
  • deterrent
  • reckless driving
  • educational programs
  • law enforcement
  • consequences
  • infrastructure
  • public transportation
  • vehicle safety standards
  • substance abuse
  • traffic laws
  • dangerous driving habits
  • long-term effectiveness
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