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Band 6

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.
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The pie charts compare the differences in
boys
Use synonyms
’ and
girls
Use synonyms
’ choices of cultural and recreational
activities
Use synonyms
 from the output of a survey. The left picture depicts the structure of the main
activities
Use synonyms
 that
boys
Use synonyms
 join
while
Linking Words
 the right one illustrates the structure of preferred
activities
Use synonyms
 which the
girls
Use synonyms
 join. In general, the
boys
Use synonyms
 like to spend time on some strong sports
such
Linking Words
 as football and basketball or indoor action
such
Linking Words
 as computer games
while
Linking Words
 the
girls
Use synonyms
 choose several light forms
such
Linking Words
 as dancing and reading to relax. With outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
, 26% of the
boys
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 in the survey choose basketball to join and 17% of them want to play soccer.
Conversely
Linking Words
, 27 % of the
girls
Use synonyms
 answered that they prefer dancing and 15% of them decided to play netball to let their hair down. Skateboarding and Gymnastics are two types of sports
activities
Use synonyms
 selected to play less by respectively
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 with 11% both. With indoor
activities
Use synonyms
, more than one-third of the
boys
Use synonyms
 have the tendency to play computer games, accounting for 34%
while
Linking Words
 the figure of the
girls
Use synonyms
 playing computer games is 16%. More than one-fifth of the
girls
Use synonyms
 in the survey choose reading books as a leisure activity at home, accounting for 21%
while
Linking Words
 the figure of the
boys
Use synonyms
 reading books is the least with 2%. Listening to music is the indoor activity chosen by both
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 with the same rate of 10 %.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • cultural activities
  • leisure activities
  • participate
  • percentage
  • gender difference
  • similar participation rates
  • traditional gender roles
  • trends
  • impact
  • parental influence
  • extracurricular activities
  • accessible
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