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Band 4

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#families #children #schools #taxes #support #education #system
There has been much discussion surrounding
taxes
. It is believed that parents of children attending private
shools
Correct your spelling
schools
show examples
 have no responsibility to pay levies that support the state
education
 system. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
 idea
due to
 some reasons There are some differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reducing
taxes
 for
people
 who choose private
schools
.
Firstly
, it is
such
 a challenge to calculate the amount of tax discount.
This
 is because if
people
 have to pay
Add an article
the separated
a separated
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separated
Replace the word
separate
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of money without
reasonabilty
Correct your spelling
reasonable
reasonability
, it will result in resentment and lack of trust in
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
Moreover
,
this
 can
also
 widen the gap between the rich and the poor. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy families sending their children to private
schools
 get a tax reduction, they will pay less than parents with low financial ability.
As a result
, poor
people
 still have burdens of school fees that the wealthy do not have.
In addition
, because of the contribution to
education
 through
taxes
 of individuals, all members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society can be beneficial. The more
people
 pay the money
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 public
schools
 , the higher
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
education
 system there is.
Belong
Wrong verb form
Belonging
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 with the well-funded
education
 system, it is claimed that there will be more equal opportunities for the young to get access to decent universities and seek a good
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
As a result
, there will be a more well-educated workforce and
well qualified
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well-qualified
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, competent staff, which is a huge advantage for companies which belongs to the wealthy classes.
Due to
this
, the nation can be more productive and prosperous. It is so obvious that there are a
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of benefits
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 not decreasing
taxes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
 In conclusion, I completely oppose the idea that parents of children in private
schools
 should not be required to contribute to public
schools
 through levies because it will cause a number of problems.
Submitted by Minh Hà on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public education
  • private schools
  • collective responsibility
  • societal welfare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • social cohesion
  • tax credits
  • vouchers
  • subsidies
  • state-funded
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public vs. private sector
  • quality of education
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