IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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In
this
Linking Words
 present world,
People
Use synonyms
 have developed their interest in the arts,music and
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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 activities.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 has invested a good amount of money for
such
Linking Words
 recreational zones.
Linking Words
however
Correct your spelling
However
show examples
,A group of
people
Use synonyms
 agree that
government
Use synonyms
 must invest the money in improving the existing public service offering.
This
Linking Words
 essay is explaining the agreement for the same with supportive points. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that there is a necessity
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Arts, music and theatre complexes in the town.in today's busy and hectic schedule, Recreational and entertainment zones are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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must
Correct article usage
a must
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 for
people
Use synonyms
's
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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 and social
well being
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well-being
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, investing in these will surely increase
government
Use synonyms
 revenue and will create local employment opportunities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
scope
Correct article usage
the scope
show examples
 of improvement
Government
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 public
services
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 in some area and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of support staff has forced us to think
otherwise
Linking Words
.
offering
Correct your spelling
Offering
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 timely and helpful public
services
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 will reestablish the trust in
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
.
Use synonyms
people
Correct your spelling
People
show examples
are feel
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feel
show examples
 more secure and valued by
this
Linking Words
 act of
government
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.
Current
Add an article
A current
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 survey conducted by the local newspaper
have
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has
show examples
 pointed out
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar stores on lack of support staff in
government
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 hospitals and police force.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
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 totally
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
to invest
Change the verb form
investing
show examples
 in the improvement of Public health
services
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 and security
services
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the general public.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Increase
Correct article usage
an Increase
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 in employment
oppertunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 sector is added advantage. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nutshell,
Government
Use synonyms
 investment in public service
offering
Fix the agreement mistake
offerings
show examples
 is more worthy in my opinion. Public safety and health are of paramount importance in today’s era. It will reap the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 reward and is
win-win
Add an article
a win-win
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 situation for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parties.
Submitted by parth5353 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
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