IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The best curriculum is not one based on a static body of knowledge, but one which teaches students to cope with change. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#curriculum #body #students #change
Education
 plays a vital role in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 life. Some people say that the traditional
method
 of teaching is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
good for children .
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that we can change
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 with technology
uigradation
Correct your spelling
upgradation
. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
statemen t
Correct your spelling
statement
show examples
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss the reasons in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
 with , in the contemporary era , manual works are replaced by
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
.
As a result
,
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 ratio has increased day by day. In
this
 situation, people should
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
lot of soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and interpersonal skills . When
education
 is
foundation
Add an article
the foundation
show examples
 of children,
s
Correct your spelling
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
 , school
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
 should
be change
Change the verb form
be changed
show examples
 with modern
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
instead
 of traditional ones .
For example
 , medical students
are practicing
Wrong verb form
practice
show examples
 with simulators ,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 completing the graduate that they will easily handle any complex operations without any hesitation.
Moreover
, the present system largely depends on the perspective of the course and teaching
method
.
For instance
 ,
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
 or university
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 already
decide
Change the verb form
decided
show examples
to
Change preposition
on to
show examples
 most important questions and
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
teachs
Correct your spelling
teaches
teachers
 only
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 part of
subject
Add an article
the subject
a subject
show examples
.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end ,
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gain only
therotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
instead
 of practical skills or
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
this situations
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
 do not depend on students or teacher,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 depend on the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 rules and regulations .
Therefore
, the
education
 authority should change
pattern
Add an article
the pattern
show examples
 of
education
 and syllabus. Japan stood
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 first position by
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
education
 system because the
method
 of
education
 is totally based
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
practical
Add an article
a practical
show examples
 point of view .
On the contrary
,
Correct article usage
the indian
show examples
indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
show examples
 educational system
totally
Add a missing verb
is totally
show examples
 based on
therotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 based .
Consequently
 , the
education
 ratio has downward. In conclusion, in the technical era, we should live
parallely
Correct your spelling
parallel
parallelly
 with technology .
Likewise
Add a comma
Likewise,
show examples
 students should
be built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 their foundation with
inter personal
Correct your spelling
interpersonal
show examples
 skills which are
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
important in the future.
Submitted by jeetkacha13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas more coherently. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearer and more well-developed. Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion. Use cohesive devices and linkers to connect ideas and improve overall flow.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: