IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many government spend a lot of money on art.Some people think this investment is art is necessary,but others say the better spent on improving health and education.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#government #money #art #people #investment #health #education
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It is irrefutable that
art
Use synonyms
 plays a valuable role in every nation's history and culture.It is argued by some individuals that the
government
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 should spend
money
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 on
Use synonyms
art related
Add a hyphen
art-related
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 matters ,
whereas
Linking Words
,others disagree and assert that high authorities should pour
money
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 into public services.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that
government
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 funds should
allocated
Change the verb form
be allocated
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 to
public
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the public
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sector
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 because
this
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 will lead to
betterment
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the betterment
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 of
health
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 and
education
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.
Although
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art
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 is a very important part of every country,there are some essential sectors which require investment the most.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
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 of any country cannot succeed unless they get
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
an education
the education
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 and have
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 body.In several parts of the
world
Add a comma
,world
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people
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 are not able to get
good
Correct article usage
a good
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educational
Replace the word
education
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 and access to medical facilities
due to
Linking Words
 which they do not get jobs and suffer from several
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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 diseases.It is
therefore
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 agreed that to overcome
this
Linking Words
government
Use synonyms
 should pour some
money
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 into these sectors.
For instance
Linking Words
,in India,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 gives more preference to
people
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's
health
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 and
education
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 because they know that these two factors are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important factors for any nation's success.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,it is believed by some
people
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 that
government
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 handouts must be utilised by
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 so that these organisations can thrive in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.Despite
this
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,there are a plethora of other financial sources which play a crucial role in the development of
art
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.To explain,there are plenty of
art
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 museums which are visited by national and international tourists by buying tickets which is a great source of income.
Moreover
Linking Words
,investors
also
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 do come forward to invest in
this
Linking Words
 in order to make
money
Use synonyms
 for the betterment of
art
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 and history.
Thus
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this
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 essay
disagress
Correct your spelling
disagrees
disagree
 that
government
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spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 should be used for arts. In conclusion,even though
art
Use synonyms
 requires financial aid from
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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,it has many other ways for funds as tickets which tourists tend to buy for every single visit to
such
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art
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 museums etc and huge investments which investors do for
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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sector
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's growth.
Hence
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 it is apparent that
government
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 must consider educational institutions and
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
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sector
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 to spend
money
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 on since good
health
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 and
education
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 stimulate
people
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 to go
froward
Correct your spelling
forward
show examples
 in their lives for the growth of their nation.
Submitted by mskumarsharma09 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural legacy
  • nation's history and identity
  • fosters creativity
  • economic benefits
  • tourism
  • art markets
  • quality of life
  • cultural understanding
  • productive population
  • personal and economic growth
  • fundamental for long-term development
  • well-being
  • immediate tangible benefits
  • abstract benefits
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