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Band 5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online than face to face . Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #socialise #face #development
An increasing number of
people
 meet and talk to their friends,
relatives
Correct word choice
and relatives
show examples
 online
instead
 of in person.In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development which leads to isolation,potentially harmful
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 and problems later on in life. Before the
Internet
,
people
 would frequently go out to meet their friends, and relatives in different places
such
 as bars, restaurants and cafes.
whereas
 now they prefer to stay at home, chatting online.
As a result
,
people
 are starting to spend the majority of their time alone at home in their rooms without meeting others.
This
 kind of isolation is not healthy and sometimes leads to depression and other various issues. Another issue is that meeting different
people
 online can be risky.
In other words
,
people
 can assume fake identities on the
internet
as well as
 they can hide their characteristics.
This
 is particularly concerning for teenagers as they are more impressionable and can easily be led into dangerous situations.
Furthermore
,
This
 is an online interaction so the parents have no way of monitoring it and protecting their children.
Finally
, socialising online can end in difficulties a year later as conversations and shared photos that had been forgotten reappear.Nowadays,
this
 is a critical situation for many
people
 ,especially teenagers who do not think carefully before posting something on social sites
such
 as Instagram, and Facebook.
This
 is to say , the information and photos that are put on the
internet
 can remain forever.
while
Capitalize word
While
show examples
 a person may share intimate communication with close friends,these words can be resurfaced later on leading to much embarrassment. In a nutshell,
Although
 it has become more popular for humans to socialise through the
Internet
,it has brought about too many problems for
this
 to be considered a positive trend.
Submitted by mmehakbatth on

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task response
The overall response addresses the task, but the arguments lack depth and analysis. Revisit the prompt and provide a more balanced analysis of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the use of linking words and cohesive devices could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • online interactions
  • virtual communication
  • global community
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • cyberspace
  • virtual presence
  • social networking
  • mental wellbeing
  • digital literacy
  • safe spaces
  • marginalized groups
  • face-to-face communication
  • socialisation
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