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Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugars #health #people #sugar
Obesity is a common disease in modern society. The reason of overweight are
multiply
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multiple
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: low physical activity, psychological factors, genetic predictors and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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last
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least food behavioural disorders. Junk food
are
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is
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 meeting
on
Change preposition
at
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 every step
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our life.
Great
Add an article
A great
The great
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 amount of it contains
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
sugar
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I want to discuss
necessity
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the necessity
show examples
 to control the price of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
. There is possible to decrease
sugar
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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 by increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sugary products. Consumers tend to make purchasing choices on the basis of the price.
Thus
,
population
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the population
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 will avoid expensive food and drinks with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
sugar
. It will have
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 influence on
people
’s health.
This
 strategy will lead to reducing mortality. Let me explain. Reducing
sugar
 from daily routine
lead
Fix the agreement mistake
leads
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 to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 risk of endocrinological (diabetes, hormonal disorders), metabolic (hyperlipidemia) and cardiovascular diseases (hypertension, heart failure, angina pectoris, stroke). Afordmented illnesses reduce life expectancy. To put it another way, many
people
 thought that government infringement on manufacturers
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 quite unjustifiable. Taxes for all products should be equal. Every person is responsible for his/her own health. In the case of higher prices for
sugar
 products, addicted
people
 wouldn’t change their habits, but it will have
Correct article usage
an
show examples
influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
people
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
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 cookers buy
sugar
 for their job,
depressed
Correct word choice
and depressed
show examples
people
 often use sweets to make feel themselves better. In conclusion, I would contend that there are many other feasible methods rather.
However
, public awareness about
influence
Add an article
the influence
show examples
 of
sugar
 on individual health should be enhanced.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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