IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many countries aim to improve their living standards by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #aim #standards #development #values
Many countries attempt to boost
people’s
 living standards, which leads to some social values being lost. I believe that the benefits of
this
 trend outweigh the drawbacks. There are, I concede, reasons for supporting that economic
development
 does harm to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social values, and an obvious one is that it leads to people
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 busy with earning money in society. They focus on money and possessions,
no
Correct word choice
and no
show examples
 longer care about and help other societies and things
around
Correct pronoun usage
themaround
show examples
. They become indifferent,
no
Correct word choice
and no
show examples
 longer
love
Change preposition
in love
show examples
 and harmony, resulting in the loss of social value. Another is some factories pursue high efficiency and high profit, giving up the choice of equipment to protect the environment from pollution. They are less and less concerned with the idea of harmony between man and nature.
Nevertheless
, I feel, the upsides are more persuasive. Economic
development
 is a necessary thing that every country pursues. With the
development
 of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
, people will get more job opportunities. With the increase of
people’s
 incomes,
people’s
 living standard is improved.
Also
, the country can invest manpower, material and financial recourse to invent transportation equipment,
such
 as high-speed trains and planes, so that people can travel more conveniently. Another benefit of economic
development
 is that governments have enough funds to spend on reducing poverty.
This
 means that they give financial support,
such
 as food, money and assistance, to low-income families to raise their standard of living.
Overall
, it seems to me that the benefit of economic
development
 is good for
people’s
 living standard outweigh
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the drawbacks.
Submitted by 1994755613 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: