IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid word. Some people regard this completely wrong, while others consider it to be valuable work experience, which is important for learning and talking responsibility . What is your opinion?

#countries #children #word #people #work #responsibility
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Nowadays, kids are trying to work and have any earnings to become more responsible to have any job experience.
As a result
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, appears
the
Correct article usage
a
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 dilemma between
parents
Use synonyms
 about
this
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 situation. One part argues, that it is not good and will have negative consequences,
whereas
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 think that everything is quite normal.
This
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 essay will discuss all of the statements and have my own opinion about
this
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 dilemma. On the one hand, it is fascinating and very good, when your child is keen on earnings, since he is a teenager
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
from
Add the comma(s)
,from
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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 of 12 or 13, the kid will have not only money or
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 salary
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 the best networking with entrepreneurs, experience in selling, marketing or even business. The most interesting thing,
that is
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 worth mentioning, is that in the future, the child, undoubtedly, will help
parents
Use synonyms
 in
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 sphere.
For example
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, in the shops or supermarkets, they will pay for all products
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 milk, water, bread
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 so on,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 really helps
parents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, some people think, that children should not work, because of worrying about them, as they are not grown up enough and
advice
Replace the word
advise
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 to enjoy kids' life, as soon as
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
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 possible. The second cause, why adults do not accept the idea, that their kids have a job, is because there will be over-controlled by
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
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, who is strict and make them too nervous.
To sum up
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, there are no causes to
be worry
Change the verb form
worry
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 about your children, just be sure that they are responsible and helping you with getting money. And personally, in my opinion, when a child starts earning money himself, he can afford everything he
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 without asking
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
his parents
show examples
,
that is
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 very cool and perspective!
Submitted by zhdanova_veronik on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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