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Band 5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid word. Some people regard this completely wrong, while others consider it to be valuable work experience, which is important for learning and talking responsibility . What is your opinion?

#countries #children #word #people #work #responsibility
Nowadays, kids are trying to work and have any earnings to become more responsible to have any job experience.
As a result
, appears
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dilemma between
parents
 about
this
 situation. One part argues, that it is not good and will have negative consequences,
whereas
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that everything is quite normal.
This
 essay will discuss all of the statements and have my own opinion about
this
 dilemma. On the one hand, it is fascinating and very good, when your child is keen on earnings, since he is a teenager
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
from
Add the comma(s)
,from
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 12 or 13, the kid will have not only money or
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 salary
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the best networking with entrepreneurs, experience in selling, marketing or even business. The most interesting thing,
that is
 worth mentioning, is that in the future, the child, undoubtedly, will help
parents
 in
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 sphere.
For example
, in the shops or supermarkets, they will pay for all products
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 milk, water, bread
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 so on,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 really helps
parents
.
On the other hand
, some people think, that children should not work, because of worrying about them, as they are not grown up enough and
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 to enjoy kids' life, as soon as
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
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 possible. The second cause, why adults do not accept the idea, that their kids have a job, is because there will be over-controlled by
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
, who is strict and make them too nervous.
To sum up
, there are no causes to
be worry
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worry
show examples
 about your children, just be sure that they are responsible and helping you with getting money. And personally, in my opinion, when a child starts earning money himself, he can afford everything he
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 without asking
parents
Correct pronoun usage
his parents
show examples
,
that is
 very cool and perspective!
Submitted by zhdanova_veronik on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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