IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unneccessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #families #unneccessary #arguments #side #support
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Nowadays, one of the most social relates to family life.
While
Linking Words
 it is widely believed that kids should spend all of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. Others believe it is useless and
disadvantages
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has disadvantages
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. In my opinion, On the one hand,
Use synonyms
children
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children's
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 need to be with their family
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential. The main reason is that we can contribute and penetrate each other through communication and activity, And from that, we might become united and easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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find their strength or weakness to improve which is very
nessesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 in our life, so we can gain more
self-confident
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self-confidence
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 and expand experiences . Another reason is that
children
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 can stay away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile devices ,
improve
Correct word choice
and improve
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 realistic skills. By the report confirmed by New York Times in 2020,
children
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 who used much of their
time
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 with family
are possibly get
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are possibly getting
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 more happiness and
successful
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success
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 in their life than the others
On the other hand
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, real
situation
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situations
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 show us a desperate view that
children
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 ain't expect to
used
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use
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 much of
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 with family. It is
due to
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 the fact that the distance
of
Change preposition
between
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 2 generations is very large both in logic and action. And
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 are
children
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 ain't be mild to talk with their parents so
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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make
a
Remove the article
apply
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communication become useless and unpredictable. So
in
Change preposition
from
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 some
of
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apply
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perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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,
children
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 prefer to spend their free
time
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 with friends and video games which generally can provide them
more
Change preposition
with more
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 interesting and inspiring
instead
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of
Change preposition
than
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 family. In
fact
Add a comma
,fact
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 these thought is definitely make sense and suitable for today ,
children
Use synonyms
 can develop independently , has a lot of relationship and many practical skills. In conclusion, it is needed to spend some of their
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
family
Add an article
the family
a family
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 because you can become more mature and
flexibility
Replace the word
flexible
show examples
.
While
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 go outside and face with the new mysterious world is
also
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 addictive and challenging
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional development
  • reinforce family bonds
  • social values
  • over-reliance
  • diverse range of people
  • autonomy
  • independent play
  • structured
  • unstructured play
  • extracurricular activities
  • cognitive skills
  • well-rounded experience
  • social settings
  • quality of family time
What to do next:
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