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Band 5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unneccessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #families #unneccessary #arguments #side #support
Nowadays, one of the most social relates to family life.
While
 it is widely believed that kids should spend all of their leisure
time
 with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. Others believe it is useless and
disadvantages
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has disadvantages
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. In my opinion, On the one hand,
children
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children's
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 need to be with their family
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential. The main reason is that we can contribute and penetrate each other through communication and activity, And from that, we might become united and easily
to
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apply
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find their strength or weakness to improve which is very
nessesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 in our life, so we can gain more
self-confident
Replace the word
self-confidence
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 and expand experiences . Another reason is that
children
 can stay away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile devices ,
improve
Correct word choice
and improve
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 realistic skills. By the report confirmed by New York Times in 2020,
children
 who used much of their
time
 with family
are possibly get
Change the verb form
are possibly getting
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 more happiness and
successful
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success
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 in their life than the others
On the other hand
, real
situation
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situations
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 show us a desperate view that
children
 ain't expect to
used
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use
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 much of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 with family. It is
due to
 the fact that the distance
of
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between
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 2 generations is very large both in logic and action. And
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 are
children
 ain't be mild to talk with their parents so
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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make
a
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apply
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communication become useless and unpredictable. So
in
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from
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 some
of
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apply
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perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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,
children
 prefer to spend their free
time
 with friends and video games which generally can provide them
more
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with more
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 interesting and inspiring
instead
of
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than
show examples
 family. In
fact
Add a comma
,fact
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 these thought is definitely make sense and suitable for today ,
children
 can develop independently , has a lot of relationship and many practical skills. In conclusion, it is needed to spend some of their
time
to
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with
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family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 because you can become more mature and
flexibility
Replace the word
flexible
show examples
.
While
 go outside and face with the new mysterious world is
also
 addictive and challenging
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional development
  • reinforce family bonds
  • social values
  • over-reliance
  • diverse range of people
  • autonomy
  • independent play
  • structured
  • unstructured play
  • extracurricular activities
  • cognitive skills
  • well-rounded experience
  • social settings
  • quality of family time
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