IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people believe that schools should teach children to become good citizens and workers rather than independent individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.

#people #schools #children #citizens #workers #individuals
School is the place for
children
 to learn how to become good netizens and workers meanwhile, some people believe independent individuals are more important to learn. In
this
 essay, I will detail the reasons for my arguments why both of the topics are important.
To begin
 with,
children
 can learn how to become a good person from school in some subjects, the interaction between the
children
 and their friends or teacher can help them know what values happen in society. Being ready for the
future
 is essential for the
children
.
This
 is important for them to know their environment and how to be part of the community someday.
For instance
, In Indonesia, if someone wants to be a worker, they need some tests
such
 as social, psychological, and knowledge. By some assessments, the employers will choose the best one to get the position.
This
 will help the
children
 prepare to become part of a social community.
However
, the students can not always rely on their parents. They need some lessons to have individual skills. It will help the pupils maintain themselves and choose what they will do in the
future
 in the
future
 life.
For example
, the
children
 who accept two jobs need to choose which is the best for them and know about the consequences they will with, and know about consequences will they accept.
This
 skill needs to develop so that the
children
 recognise the risks and responsibilities.
To conclude
, I agree
children
 need to learn about some skills they need for the
future
, not just one skill, it will help them to face the world.
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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