IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#government #retirees #support #care #people #citizens #money
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Recently, The topic that
argue
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argues
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 that
government
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 should provide financial
support
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 and
care
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have
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has
show examples
 become even more controversial with
people
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 supporting the idea
while
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 other
rejecting
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reject
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 the notion.
undenying
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underlying
 that
health
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 is
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 important aspect
in
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of
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 .In
this
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 essay, I discuss each point of view
with
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by
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further
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 explaining and analyzing each notion.
To begin
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 with, one key and foremost reason why
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government
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the government
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 should provide
health
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care
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 and aid in
Use synonyms
life
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living
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 expenses is that
government
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 should
payback
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pay back
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people
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 who spend
there
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their
show examples
 whole
life
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 span
in
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apply
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serving and helping in
growth
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the growth
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 and development of their countries.
Secondly
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,
health
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 and education are the basic
life
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 right that each citizen must be able to acquire.
For instance
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, Saudi Arabia showed
an
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a
show examples
 great example in
provided
Wrong verb form
providing
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 all citizens and residents total free
health
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care
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 regardless the age and cost of treatment.
Finally
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, Helping and aiding
people
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 in
country
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the country
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 will loyalty and
support
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 to
government
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On the other hand
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,Starting with, Many
people
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 argue that
government
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 must save that huge amount of money
spend
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spent
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in
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on
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health
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 treatment and medicines
on
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for
show examples
people
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 who are unproductive in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
People
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 who
support
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this
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 concept believe that elder
people
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 are responsible for
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 own medicinal
care
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. Another supporting idea,
some
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is some
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people
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 believe that if countries
support
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 citizens that will result in
depend
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ondepend
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 community and will kill competitive
battle
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battles
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 between individuals. In conclusion,
Although
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people
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 differ in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
point
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points
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of view and vision about
topic
Add an article
the topic
a topic
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 .Personally speaking, I
support
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 the first side that I believe
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health
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in health
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care
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,
where
Correct word choice
whether
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 mental or physical. is
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
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life
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 need
that is
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 right for all
individual
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individuals
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 across society.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government responsibility
  • financial support
  • care
  • retirees
  • personal responsibility
  • retirement planning
  • social security
  • pension
  • benefits
  • concerns
  • dependency
  • adequate savings
  • elderly citizens
  • burden
  • welfare system
  • poverty
  • social safety net
  • financial stability
  • public funds
  • sustainable
  • reliable
  • case study
  • Japan
  • Sweden
  • United States
What to do next:
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