IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
There is no doubt that volunteering is a vital benefit idea that has
ultimate
Change the article
an ultimate
the ultimate
show examples
 number of benefits. Recently, The concept that
teenagers
 should
voluntary
Add a missing verb
be voluntary
show examples
 has become
datable
Add an article
a datable
show examples
 topic that many agree
while
Change preposition
with while
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 reject the notion. Obviously,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation is the fuel of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and investing in
teenagers
 will help in
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 and development of the countries.In my opinion, I believe that
teenagers
 and children should
payback
Correct your spelling
pay back
show examples
society
Change preposition
to society
show examples
 by helping others.
To begin
 with, unpaid
activities
 result in win to win
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
.One of the key and foremost advantages is that it
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
teenagers
 to communicate and build
connecting
Replace the word
connections
show examples
 with each other.
Moreover
, these
activities
 will allow all individuals in society to cooperate with one another.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, When
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 help other in
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
this
 will increase his or her
self-confident
Replace the word
self-confidence
show examples
.
Also
, these
activities
 will help
teenagers
 acquire new skills and spend their free time in
activities
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 beneficial rather than wasting time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing video games or attending parties
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
weekend
Add an article
the weekend
a weekend
show examples
Consequently
, Not only
teenagers
 gain
benefit
Add an article
the benefit
show examples
 of these but
also
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
.
For instance
, The number of
worker
Change to a plural noun
workers
show examples
 who paint
wall
Fix the agreement mistake
walls
show examples
 in Saudi Arabia in decrease
due to
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of
voluntary
Replace the word
volunteers
show examples
 who are willing to help special in nonprofit
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
.
Moreover
, Government may increase
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
 about the importance of volunteering to encourage more people to attend unpaid
activities
. In conclusion,
personal
Replace the word
personally
show examples
 speaking, I believe that
teenagers
 must
payback
Correct your spelling
pay back
show examples
 to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 by attending unpaid
activities
 which will
also
 result in many benefits to the individual.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
activities
 are two-side
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and will help in
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 and development of societies.
Submitted by mabuzayedfamily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: