IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Companies should encourage emplooyes who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportinities to the new generation.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 ecosystem, there is a notion that altering employees, specifically for old workers who have
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 manager level is required. From my consideration, I advocate that the earlier occasion is extremely necessary as a way to release
chances
Correct your spelling
changes
show examples
 to the new employees which will be detailed in the following paragraphs. In the beginning, regeneration should be implemented in numerous business sectors in order to decrease
Correct article usage
the unemployee
show examples
unemployee
Correct your spelling
unemployed
 ratio which is constructed by educated people.
For example
Linking Words
, several job vacancies in Indonesia have participated in the earlier activity to make sure that
new comers
Correct your spelling
newcomers
show examples
 like fresh
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 will have profession.
Consequently
Linking Words
, pre-adult people who have exceptional academic backgrounds can have jobs as a way to decline the previous ratio.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, rejuvenation is needed to be implemented
due to
Linking Words
 youngsters may have fresh
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 to boost office productivity. Based on some social studies,
Correct article usage
the millenial
show examples
millenial
Correct your spelling
millennials
 and Z
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 are radiated by technologies from
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 which can escalate their probabilities to solve recent challenges which exist in the companies in the middle of advanced innovation at
this
Linking Words
 moment.
As a result
Linking Words
, replacing boomer workers who have more than 55 years old can assist corporations to adapt well during
this
Linking Words
 era.
For instance
Linking Words
, multitudinous start-up parties will hire young applicants to make their companies survive nowadays.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I redeclare my position that superseding old
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 with young candidates is indispensable to be applied. As plausible reasons, it can decrease
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of educated people who do not have jobs and numerous companies can be more adaptive
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 era.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: