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Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activity
In the present
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
, a group of people claim that the government should prohibit the
practice
 of dangerous
sports
while
 others defend that people are free to take part in
sports
 and activities that make them happy. From my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
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 I would argue that people should be free to
practice
such
sports
 as they wish. On the one hand, there is a range of reasons why risky
sports
 should be prohibited from being taken by the populace. First and foremost, is common knowledge that
sports
 activities accidentally cause serious injuries
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the athletes, the person can break some bones, or something can happen and affect their physical health, and probably will be incapacitated for a long period.
Furthermore
, some dangerous
sports
,
such
 as boxing,
mix
Wrong verb form
mixed
show examples
 martial art, or even American football, mostly represent violence.
Hence
,
this
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 audience particularly teenagers, would probably be encouraged to reproduce what they saw. On another hand, proponents of
this
practice
 just have as
argument
Correct article usage
an argument
show examples
 the right to be free to make choices and these include
sports
,
however
, they are not analyzing the risks.
For example
, in Portugal, for a long
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 they had as entertainment activity bulls
runs
Change the verb form
run
show examples
, and the population enjoyed watching,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
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 the had many deaths during the exhibition, so, extreme
sports
 sometimes can be fatal, so, the government
instead
 of banning, they should regulate. They must force the companies who
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 dangerous
sports
 to be more
strictly
Replace the word
strict
show examples
 about the procedures and the
protect
Replace the word
protective
show examples
equipment’s
Change noun form
equipment
show examples
. In conclusion, I think that citizens are at liberate to play dangerous
sports
 and activities, but they must be regulated and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
practice
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 precaution
Submitted by marvinda.pereira on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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