IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What is the reason for this? it is a negative or positive development.

#children #time #computer #games #sports #reason #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are the thing that every kid wants. Most
children
Use synonyms
 preferred to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 compared to sports. In my opinion, it is a negative thing that
children
Use synonyms
 rather spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on
games
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain
this
Linking Words
 view. The reason why it is happening is because it has already become a habit that starts
from
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the
pandemic
Use synonyms
, in which everybody is set to stay at home for around two years, so the only thing that
children
Use synonyms
 can do is play online
games
Use synonyms
 at home.
Hence
Linking Words
, when the
pandemic
Use synonyms
 is over, those
children
Use synonyms
 are not able to move to the next habit. After that,
besides
Linking Words
Use synonyms
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
, these
things
Use synonyms
 can appear because of bad parenting, who only give technology to their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
, without any concern, so their
children
Use synonyms
 think that their world is only in their
games
Use synonyms
. So, it is coming from a bad habit since
Use synonyms
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
 or irresponsible parents.
Thus
Linking Words
,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are a negative
development
Use synonyms
, indeed there are some positive
things
Use synonyms
 we get from playing
games
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 like we are able to decide something in a short
time
Use synonyms
. But, if it is too much, it will negatively impact several
things
Use synonyms
, from mental, eyes,
time
Use synonyms
 management, appetite, illness, and many other
things
Use synonyms
. So, it is a thing that has more negative
development
Use synonyms
, than positive
development
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 rather than anything else. Even though it makes sense during the
pandemic
Use synonyms
. But, when it comes to the end, these
children
Use synonyms
 cannot move on which leads them to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative
development
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: