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Band 2.5

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #habits #lifestyle #children #generations #people #effect #health
I think that in the
countries
 of Europe and
Asia
Add a comma
Asia,
show examples
 the
education
 is very good
Change preposition
for
show examples
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
parents
 and in the school
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
children
 are taught to have a very good
education
. In the case of the
countries
 of Latin America, mainly South America, the
education
 is very different since The
children
 do not pay attention to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
, they begin to listen to other types of music, which are not very good in their
education
,
however
, with the issue of
food
, I think that in the
countries
 of Asia and Europe, the
food
 is very different since if the
Children
 say no, like
this
, the
parents
 punish them or they eat it directly.
However
, in South American
countries
, the
children
 say no, and the
parents
 accept it or they don't eat it at all.
On the other hand
, the diet is very different since in the Middle East they are educated to eat
food
 or vegetables and exercise
instead
 in South American
countries
 they eat junk vomit more than vegetables and they do
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 little exercise and in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I think that first we must change as a society and have a better
education
 so we can improve in many aspects not only
food
 and have more values to be able to change and eat more healthy
food
 than junk
Submitted by ismael.222sr on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and concise structure, with a strong introduction, well-organized body paragraphs, and a conclusive ending. This will help the reader follow and understand your argument more easily.
task achievement
Include specific and relevant examples to enhance your argument. This will help to effectively illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid overly general or unsupported statements. Make sure each claim is backed up with appropriate evidence or examples.
task achievement
Work on developing clearer and more comprehensive ideas in your essay. This will help you present a more thorough and well-supported argument.
task achievement
You attempt to compare the differences in eating habits and lifestyle among children in different regions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You address both the positive and negative aspects of the issue, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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