IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts represent 6 different regions that utilized water for industrial, agricultural and domestic purposes.

The pie charts represent 6 different regions that utilized water for industrial, agricultural and domestic purposes.
#regions #water #purposes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie graphs provide the percentages illustrating the primary purposes for
water
Use synonyms
 utilisation in six different geographical areas.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the charts is that
although
Linking Words
 the statistics for Europe and North America
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
show examples
 of industrial aim at the largest distribution, those of the other regions, namely, South America, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia, nominated
agricultual
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 purpose as their most popular hydro usage.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the information regarding the major four areas,
while
Linking Words
 agriculture dominated the
four fifths
Add a hyphen
four-fifths
show examples
 of the total
water
Use synonyms
 utilisation proportion in Africa and Asian regions, only roughly 10%
Use synonyms
water
Change preposition
of water
show examples
 is used for
eigher
Correct your spelling
either
higher
 industry or domestic use from their
resevour
Correct your spelling
reservoir
.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 agriculture constitutes
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the South American percentage as the largest component, the figure is not as much as the proceeding places.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
 over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
Correct article usage
the Europian
show examples
Europian
Correct your spelling
European
show examples
 proportion
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 accounted
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
industrical
Correct your spelling
industrial
 use, that of North America is 5%
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 than
this
Linking Words
.
Instead
Linking Words
,
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 former region spared 32% of their
water
Use synonyms
 stock for agriculture, which is 8% less
of
Change preposition
than
show examples
 the counterpart of the latter.
However
Linking Words
, their rates for domestic use are roughly identical at 13% and 15% respectively.
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: