These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree

#amount #violence #television #impact #children #behavior

Today, the amount of violence on

is increasing, which is considered to impact

children

negatively. I absolutely disagree that

children

's attitude depends on the quantity of violence on

. The ignorance of the

age

limit

, which should be controlled by

parents

and the decreasing rate of the shows will prove

this

Firstly

, all of the

shows illustrate the

age

limit

on the screen which is mostly ignored by the

parents

. A good example of

this

could be younger

parents

, who love to leave

children

watching something themselves, leading to the unlimited information gained by the

children

watching shows beyond their

age

limit

. It means, it is not the increase in amount of the violence on

, but

parents

’

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

towards their

children

's bringing up is the factor which has an impact, either positive or negative.

Thus

, the types of

content are considered to have no impact on

children

’s

life

Replace the word

live

show examples

performance.

Secondly

, the rating of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

television as a source of leisure pursuit is decreasing in favour of the Internet.

For example

, the international video hosting site YouTube has got more views on videos than any of the

shows. Respectively, the younger generation, especially

children

, have less delight in watching

Therefore

, it is fair

to conclude

that

children

's behaviour is more influenced by other informational sources, rather than

. In conclusion, there is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

vivid

age

limit

shows and it is becoming less popular. Thereby, I disagree with the fact that the amount of violent content on

can be made responsible for the spoiled behaviour of

children

. It is a recommendation for

parents

: “Do not only have but bring up your

children

”

Submitted by iielts998 on Mon May 15 2023

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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