...... Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and less time on sports. Why? Is it a positive and a negative development?

... Nowadays, Some
children
waste a lot of
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
computer
games
amd
Correct your spelling
and
under
time
on
sports
.
This
essay intends to explore the courses of
this
occurrince
Correct your spelling
occurrence
occurring
. I believe that
this
is a negative development today.
_
. The main reasons,
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
spend more
time
on video
games
that
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
children
are
technology adjusted
Add a hyphen
technology-adjusted
show examples
. I have been playing
computer
games
for years. Young
children
are playing various
computer
games
.
For example
,
pupge
Correct your spelling
purge
purple
, or
conter
Correct your spelling
counter
, mobile light and so on. And some kinds are making good
maney
Correct your spelling
money
playing
games
.
In addition
, few of our young generations are engaged in
sports
in our country. In the view, it is taking 1st
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
from the box. And these young people are awarded
with
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
various gifts
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
cars and
maneys
Correct your spelling
money
many
, or
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
new
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
and so on.
_
..
On the other hand
, Nowadays, There are many negative opinions about young
children
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
with computers
children
spend a lot of
time
playing harmful
computer
games
,
video
Correct word choice
and video
show examples
games
are too harmful to
children
.
For example
, Their eyesight may decrease,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
vcan
Correct your spelling
can
lead to blindness or the need to wear glasses. But young people are playing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
games
oven knowing these harms. After that
children
should spend less
then
they will grow up very strong and healthy. They can play various
sports
.
Such
as gym and running or swimming boxing and wrestling or other different
sports
. They will achieve even more achievement. ..
_
...
_
..
To sum up
,
children
should be engaged in useful things,
then
, the negative
throughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
can decrease.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: