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Band 3.5

Some people think computer games have negative impacts on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computer #games #impacts #children
A group of people argued that
cumpuer
Correct your spelling
computer
games
 are harmful
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
yound
Correct your spelling
young
your
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
. Considering both sides of the arguments above, I am prone to agree
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
computer
games
 may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful to
children
. On the one hand, what makes that the details related to the positive effect
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 playing
computer
games
 is training their
computer
 skill and they can learn more different languages
on
Change preposition
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
games
, Meanwhile, they can make some new friends from different countries. And
nowsday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
,
computer
games
 are treated as a professional field and the players might become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 once they
well
Add a missing verb
are well
show examples
 trained on play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
games
.
On the other hand
,
computer
games
also
 bring a lot of problems to
children
, when they focus on
screem
Correct your spelling
screen
scream
 for a long time, it is bad for their
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
.
Second,
some
computer
games
 may contain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative information which is not suitable for
children
,
such
 as Violence and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vulgar language,
children
 might effecting by
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
 easily .
Furthermore
, some parents are busy
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 work, they just allow their
children
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
computer
games
 without control,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interaction. In conclusion, I strongly agree focus on
computer
games
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 harmful for young kids because they are lost their
attendion
Correct your spelling
attention
 and patience on the
others subject
Fix the agreement mistake
other subjects
show examples
.
Submitted by jenzgallery on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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