IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think computer games have negative impacts on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computer #games #impacts #children
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A group of people argued that
cumpuer
Correct your spelling
computer
games
Use synonyms
 are harmful
on
Change preposition
to
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yound
Correct your spelling
young
your
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
. Considering both sides of the arguments above, I am prone to agree
the
Correct your spelling
that
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computer
Use synonyms
games
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 may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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harmful to
children
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, what makes that the details related to the positive effect
for
Change preposition
of
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 playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 is training their
computer
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 skill and they can learn more different languages
on
Change preposition
through
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, Meanwhile, they can make some new friends from different countries. And
nowsday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are treated as a professional field and the players might become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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professional
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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 once they
well
Add a missing verb
are well
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 trained on play
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
computer
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games
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also
Linking Words
 bring a lot of problems to
children
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, when they focus on
screem
Correct your spelling
screen
scream
 for a long time, it is bad for their
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
some
computer
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games
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 may contain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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negative information which is not suitable for
children
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,
such
Linking Words
 as Violence and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vulgar language,
children
Use synonyms
 might effecting by
these information
Change the determiner
this information
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 easily .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some parents are busy
on
Change preposition
with
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 work, they just allow their
children
Use synonyms
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 without control,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interaction. In conclusion, I strongly agree focus on
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 harmful for young kids because they are lost their
attendion
Correct your spelling
attention
 and patience on the
others subject
Fix the agreement mistake
other subjects
show examples
.
Submitted by jenzgallery on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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