IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Nowadays, many
museums
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 have prices for tickets to
entry
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enter
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. In my opinion, the advantages of charging
people
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 for
admission
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 outweigh the drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss issues
cause
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caused
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 by paying for
admission
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 and privileges of it. First of all, the main benefit of an entry charge for
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
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 of
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
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 is the huge income, especially when there is a souvenir store or a cafe. Mainly tourists are interested to buy a gift from
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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 they travel to.
For example
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, my grandmother and I have been to the Czech Republic and been in the museum there, there were halls of different
theme
Fix the agreement mistake
themes
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such
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 as space, ancient cars and trains.
In
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At
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 the beginning of one of the
halls
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,halls
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 there was a store of various stones, tiny pieces of asteroid.
Secondly
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, charging for
admission
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 is crucial to control the
amount
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number
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 of visitors. There would be endless queues and crowds,
everyone
Correct word choice
and everyone
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 would push each other and would not respect other
people
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 except themselves.
Moreover
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, many
museums
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 make their entry fees too high
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can lead to decreasing the number of visitors. For some
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people
Add a comma
,people
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 it is not affordable to pay too much money for a person just to walk around for 2 hours. Obviously,
museums
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 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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part of education and
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
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,
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however
Add a comma
,however
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 some of them inflate prices more
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Change preposition
than then
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then
Correct your spelling
the
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 average person can afford. In conclusion, I want to say that I agree privileges of charging visitors for
admission
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 really outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 for some reasons,
such
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 as business, economy and avoiding a huge crowd of
people
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 in
museums
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.
Submitted by eva.tokmakova12 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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