IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Nowadays, many
museums
 have prices for tickets to
entry
Replace the word
enter
show examples
. In my opinion, the advantages of charging
people
 for
admission
 outweigh the drawbacks.
This
 essay will discuss issues
cause
Change the form of the verb
caused
show examples
 by paying for
admission
 and privileges of it. First of all, the main benefit of an entry charge for
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 of
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
 is the huge income, especially when there is a souvenir store or a cafe. Mainly tourists are interested to buy a gift from
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 they travel to.
For example
, my grandmother and I have been to the Czech Republic and been in the museum there, there were halls of different
theme
Fix the agreement mistake
themes
show examples
such
 as space, ancient cars and trains.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the beginning of one of the
halls
Add a comma
,halls
show examples
 there was a store of various stones, tiny pieces of asteroid.
Secondly
, charging for
admission
 is crucial to control the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of visitors. There would be endless queues and crowds,
everyone
Correct word choice
and everyone
show examples
 would push each other and would not respect other
people
 except themselves.
Moreover
, many
museums
 make their entry fees too high
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to decreasing the number of visitors. For some
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 it is not affordable to pay too much money for a person just to walk around for 2 hours. Obviously,
museums
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of education and
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 some of them inflate prices more
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 average person can afford. In conclusion, I want to say that I agree privileges of charging visitors for
admission
 really outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 for some reasons,
such
 as business, economy and avoiding a huge crowd of
people
 in
museums
.
Submitted by eva.tokmakova12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: