IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. How true is this statement? Are there any other parties that should be responsible for this?

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents #parties
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One of the controversial
question
Change to a plural noun
questions
show examples
 is
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
the unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 these days. Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 always eat fast food and eat too much sugar. It makes them obese,
parents
Correct word choice
and parents
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 and schools have to plan for them
about
Change preposition
apply
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a healthy diet,
give
Correct word choice
and give
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 them some advice about
exercise
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, parents should remedy overfeeding fast food.
its
Correct pronoun usage
It
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 get obese, gives them advice about the benefits of eating vegetables,
helps
Correct word choice
and helps
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 them have a stronger body and grow
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
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.
For example
Linking Words
, before
Add an article
a meal
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meal
Add a comma
,meal
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 they can add vegetables
in
Change preposition
to
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 a meal and limit
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 them fast food. Encourage do
exercise
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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, they can play
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 with
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
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in
Change preposition
at
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weekend
Add an article
a weekend
the weekend
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,
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
also
Linking Words
 should have
exercise
Use synonyms
 time break, with
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
 physical and compulsory
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. Another, toward school to show
children
Use synonyms
 the benefits
about
Change preposition
of
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healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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lifestyle
Use synonyms
, and teach them how to have one good meal with vegetables and fruit and only small amounts of fat.
In addition
Linking Words
, a little
exercise
Use synonyms
 physical will help them grow up healthy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think governments will have policies about health and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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propagandize the importance of a healthy diet on TV to teach people how to create a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they can show about
cook
Change the verb form
cooking
show examples
 healthy on Television or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
show a film healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that the government improve
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthy
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
and help by giving information to people.
However
Linking Words
, the responsibility of each of us bringing
children
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a good healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and always to make
better
Correct pronoun usage
them better
show examples
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them have one good future.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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