IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think wild animals should not be kept.Others think there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #zoos
It is considered by some people that keeping
animals
 in their natural
habitats
 is better,
while
 there are others who think it is better to put a wild animal in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
zoo
. In my opinion, I believe that securing the
animals
 in the
zoo
 is the best option for securing their population and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 in touch with their health.
To begin
 with, many think it is easier for
animals
 to live in their natural habitat,
also
 they can find their own foods, survive,
free
Add a missing verb
be free
show examples
, and be naturally wild.
In other words
, having
animals
 in the
zoo
 didn’t make them feel happy and free as wild
animals
. The treatment of
animals
 in the
zoo
 didn’t make them happy.But there is
also
 an issue that makes
animals
 feel unhappy living there.
For example
, many humans do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illegal hunting. There is a big possibility of decreasing the populations of wild
animals
.
While
 zoos are
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
 for them.
On the other hand
, raising wild
animals
 in the
zoo
 can be good for their next population.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 there is a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Sumatra Tiger populations.
Therefore
,
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 populations more important for their
longlife
Correct your spelling
long life
long-life
 is the best choice, than to set them free in their natural
habitats
. In spite of
let
Change the verb form
letting
show examples
 them free
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their natural
habitats
. In conclusion, having them in the
zoo
 has reduced the possibility of the vanished
animals
. It is still possible to leave them in their natural
habitats
. But for some reason, as a
human
Add a comma
,human
show examples
 we can help them live
long
Replace the word
longer
show examples
 with their species.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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