IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities.

#information #technology #aspects #lives #home #leisure #work #activities
Nowadays the group of
people
 are concerned about the fact that new technologies are having
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 influence on consumers.
Spesifically
Correct your spelling
Specifically
 they are concerned about how
people
 are purchasing and selling those new devices. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 these changes are the best that could happen to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind. Because of living in the technological era many major things had changed.Online shopping
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 one of them.
People
 now can buy anything that they want from
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
show examples
,from books to clothes and even furniture and cars. One downside
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 see in
this
situation
 is for the sellers. Because in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 days
people
 are window-shopping and
then
 going home and buying those things online.Which in the end affects shop owners and
results
Add the preposition
inresults
fromresults
show examples
 those
sops
Correct your spelling
shops
show examples
 being closed. The second significant reason is that the consumer can have more control over the
situation
.
People
 can buy things whenever they want,they can explore those sites for days and nights.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 introverts are winning in
these
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
situation
 too. Because there is no pressure at home which a person can face in stores and of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no crowds at home too.
People
 are becoming more aware of what they are actually buying. So the sellers must become better because of the
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
 that they face in
Correct article usage
the trademarket
show examples
trademarket
Correct your spelling
trade market
trademarks
trademarked
. One of the downsides that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 see in
this
situation
 is that
people
 are becoming more greedy and
materealistic
Correct your spelling
materialistic
. They are now valuing money and wealth more than anything.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
situation
 that can be fixed and we can live better if we would want
too
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that the consumers are the ones that win in
this
situation
. Because in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
shopping
Add a comma
,shopping
show examples
 they can shop more wisely and not be in a rush and of course become more
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
show examples
 about what they are buying.
Submitted by tukezaliyeva96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: