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Band 7

The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between 2000 and 2009.

#proportions #pupils #four #school
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The table chart provides information about the percentage of participants attending four different school types from 2000 to 2009
years
Use synonyms
 .
Overall
Linking Words
 , the contribution of some
schools
Use synonyms
 changed significantly . Only specialist
schools
Use synonyms
 show stable value , in all
years
Use synonyms
 statistics the same . The highest value of proportion
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 in two
years
Use synonyms
 was 52 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 38 per
cent
Use synonyms
 ( in 2000 and 2005
years
Use synonyms
 respectively ) . And the highest value of proportion in 2009
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
community
schools
Use synonyms
 was 58 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Unfortunately
Add a comma
,
show examples
the level of contribution of grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 decreased from 24 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
 .
To sum up
Linking Words
 , trough the time preference of people changed . And in 2009 children likely to attend community
schools
Use synonyms
 than voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 .
Thus
Linking Words
 community
schools
Use synonyms
 take the top in 2009 ,
while
Linking Words
 others contributed only 42 per
cent
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
 in 2009 . , , .
Submitted by muharodnoy on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, schools, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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