IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
There is no denying that
people
 care about how
others
 judge themselves.
Although
 many
people
 judge
others
 based on their work or
values
Correct article usage
the values
show examples
 of
products
Correct article usage
the products
show examples
 they use, I believe that traditional values, including
honors
Change the spelling
honours
show examples
 and kindness, are still important. When
people
 have a
highly
Replace the word
high
show examples
 social status or a luxurious life but lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic ethic knowledge,
others
 will not give the
people
 a high value.
For example
, one of my
classmates
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junior high school had a rich family, letting him can acquire many latest products
such
 as the newest iPhone.
However
, he was so
arrogance
Replace the word
arrogant
show examples
 and not willing to share things
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
. After
people
 knew what kind of person he was, he could barely receive a positive comment about himself;
that is
, even though he had great material possessions, he was not valued as a noble person.
On the other hand
, an easy-going person can have many
people
’s
praises
Fix the agreement mistake
praise
show examples
. One of
other
Correct pronoun usage
my other
show examples
classmates
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 welcomed by most
classmates
 owing to his kindness and great achievements.
This
 classmate came from an ordinary family but demonstrated his talent in
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 field by achieving many medals
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 art competitions.
Furthermore
, he had
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 attitude
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
 most of the time, helping him become most of
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
’
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
. Despite his average academic performance and ordinary background, he still got many compliments
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his great personality and
art
Replace the word
artistic
show examples
 talent. With these two different stories, I believe that old-fashioned values are still
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more important factors than other factors,
such
 as social status or material enjoyment, when
people
 are judged by
others
.
Submitted by weipower1108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
What to do next:
Look at other essays: