A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is no denying that
people
care about how
others
judge themselves.
Although
many
people
judge
others
based on their work or
values
Correct article usage
the values
show examples
of
products
Correct article usage
the products
show examples
they use, I believe that traditional values, including
honors
Change the spelling
honours
show examples
and kindness, are still important. When
people
have a
highly
Replace the word
high
show examples
social status or a luxurious life but lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic ethic knowledge,
others
will not give the
people
a high value.
For example
, one of my
classmates
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junior high school had a rich family, letting him can acquire many latest products
such
as the newest iPhone.
However
, he was so
arrogance
Replace the word
arrogant
show examples
and not willing to share things
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
. After
people
knew what kind of person he was, he could barely receive a positive comment about himself;
that is
, even though he had great material possessions, he was not valued as a noble person.
On the other hand
, an easy-going person can have many
people
’s
praises
Fix the agreement mistake
praise
show examples
. One of
other
Correct pronoun usage
my other
show examples
classmates
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
welcomed by most
classmates
owing to his kindness and great achievements.
This
classmate came from an ordinary family but demonstrated his talent in
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
field by achieving many medals
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
art competitions.
Furthermore
, he had
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
attitude
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
most of the time, helping him become most of
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
. Despite his average academic performance and ordinary background, he still got many compliments
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
his great personality and
art
Replace the word
artistic
show examples
talent. With these two different stories, I believe that old-fashioned values are still
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more important factors than other factors,
such
as social status or material enjoyment, when
people
are judged by
others
.
Submitted by weipower1108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
What to do next:
Look at other essays: