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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
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There is no denying that
people
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 care about how
others
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 judge themselves.
Although
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 many
people
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 judge
others
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 based on their work or
values
Correct article usage
the values
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 of
products
Correct article usage
the products
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 they use, I believe that traditional values, including
honors
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honours
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 and kindness, are still important. When
people
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 have a
highly
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high
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 social status or a luxurious life but lack
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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basic ethic knowledge,
others
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 will not give the
people
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 a high value.
For example
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, one of my
classmates
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junior high school had a rich family, letting him can acquire many latest products
such
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 as the newest iPhone.
However
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, he was so
arrogance
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arrogant
show examples
 and not willing to share things
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
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. After
people
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 knew what kind of person he was, he could barely receive a positive comment about himself;
that is
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, even though he had great material possessions, he was not valued as a noble person.
On the other hand
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, an easy-going person can have many
people
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’s
praises
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praise
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. One of
other
Correct pronoun usage
my other
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classmates
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 welcomed by most
classmates
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 owing to his kindness and great achievements.
This
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 classmate came from an ordinary family but demonstrated his talent in
art
Correct article usage
the art
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 field by achieving many medals
from
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in
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 art competitions.
Furthermore
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, he had
good
Add an article
a good
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 attitude
to
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with
show examples
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
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 most of the time, helping him become most of
the
Change the word
his
show examples
classmates
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’
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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. Despite his average academic performance and ordinary background, he still got many compliments
by
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for
show examples
 his great personality and
art
Replace the word
artistic
show examples
 talent. With these two different stories, I believe that old-fashioned values are still
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more important factors than other factors,
such
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 as social status or material enjoyment, when
people
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 are judged by
others
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.
Submitted by weipower1108 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
What to do next:
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