IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy for them. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #pets #children
In today's world, it is an undeniable fact that most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people require
pets
 as their companions to kill their loneliness. Some people believe that keeping
pets
 can harm or cause illness to babies
while
 others think that
this
 responsibility will bring positive changes in their life. I firmly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 keeping
pets
 can give a good impact on babies. In the looming paragraphs, I will discuss each aspect in detail. On one hand, keeping
pets
 will encourage kids in gaining vast knowledge emotionally and in developing a caring attitude towards others.
Moreover
, it has been seen that
children
 who are in touch with domestic breeds since their birth are more trustworthy.
For instance
, it has been seen in a recent study that
children
 who are associated with
pets
 have more empathised behaviour toward others.
On the other hand
, other individuals keep
opine
Wrong verb form
opining
show examples
 that keeping domestic animals will affect one's health as their furry body is attracted to bacteria and pesticides, which is very harmful to
children
 as their immune system is prone to infection.
For example
,
Roundworm
Fix the agreement mistake
Roundworms
show examples
 can be seen in
children
 who get in touch with
cat
Add an article
a cat
the cat
show examples
 who is suffering from
infection
Add an article
an infection
the infection
show examples
. In a nutshell,
pets
 are a fine addition to families with babies.
Children
 having
pets
 is still a debatable topic among many, but I believe keeping domestic breed can bring a feeling of responsibility, care and pleasure in
children
 which can positively impart in their adulthood development.
Submitted by pranav10puri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: